I turned my son in
 

Yep, I qualify for worst mother of the year! My 18year old has been messing up a lot. He was arrested in Jan. was lucky enough to be just facing probation. Well yesterday we noticed a lot of pot residue in our car that we gave to him. So we did a search in the car and found pot, a scale, baggies, pills ect. Confronted him and he said yes I'm selling it's great money...|banghead|

So I called the police and they came to our house and took him. They cuffed him right in the dinning room, as my husband and I broke down and cried. If he has just been smoking pot, I wouldn't have done it, but he crossed the line by selling it. So he is in jail probably facing a pretty stiff sentence thanks to me.

We let him make his one mistake which he didn't learn from, he only seemed to get worse. I felt he was putting himself and my other two kids and my grandson in jeopardy. The cops talked to me for a long time and said I did the right thing. Said because they can see the love we have for him, they would help us in making sure he gets some help in prison. Which I hope he takes advantage of and decides to get his life on the right track.

It's called tough love, and it was the toughest thing I have ever done in my life. I have no idea why he turned out this way, we raised our kids well. The cops said that doesn't always matter, they see it all the time. I told him I was doing it because I love him, which I hope some day he realizes.

Thanks I needed to rant very badly I just feel like |catfight|

oh Sue, that's so sad for you. As a mom, I really think you did the right thing. You're so right that using & selling are two different things, and who knows what might have happened to him if he kept on doing it. I'd rather see my son in jail than dead on the street because of the people he got mixed up with.

You're a good mom Sue, once they are old enough they make their own choices that have nothing to do with us. He's just lucky he has you to help him learn to make better choices.

much love to you & your family, I hope it all works out for the best.
*big hugs*

Sue,
Good for you! You qualify for "Mother of the Year". I have nothing against adults smoking a little weed. But your son was about to get in over his head. After the "pissed off" is over and he spends a little time in jail, he will look at the world a little differently and hopefully thank you for stopping him before he got in over his head. :)

Sue, thinking of you.

I agree, you did the right thing even though it was also the toughest.

I have a cousin that would have benefitted from doing some time in prison in his late teens. Instead his parents did whatever they could to keep him out of jail. To thank them he stole cash and valuables from them, their neighbors, and anyone else he could find. Now he's a thirty-something deadbeat with no permanent address, no permanent job, and no real prospects of ever improving his situation.

Oh Sue, what a horrible situation for you :(

It's so obvious how much you love your son...he'll realize that some day...hopefully soon.

Don't see an emoticon for hugs...so *BIG hugs*

I think you folks are crazy if you think turning in your kid is a good idea.

Regardless of what you think, a friend is going through a very hard time and made what I know was probably the most difficult decision of her life. I think this thread calls for support, not debate.

I have no children. I understand most points made in this thread so far though. It had to be hard to do what you did. He's probably going to be in more trouble for the pills. Either way, if he continued on this path, he would have had to deal with the law eventually. Hopefully, he learns and grows...

Sue, I was in your son's position a large number of years ago. It took a life time....mine before I actually understood what my parents had done was absolutely the right thing...I only wish that I could have told them so.

Good for you sue!

You know Bill it was the hardest thing I've ever done. But in my heart I know I did the right thing. My son is still a child at 18, he was not having any trouble flashing the money he was making. And I'm sure he had no idea who he was selling to. I saw him dead from a bad deal or dead from someone wanting his money. That I could not live with.

The rest of you I appreciate your support it means a lot. I did what I thought I had to do, and won't second guess myself. Thanks so much for your kind words |thumb

Such sanctimoniousness behavior from someone that sells porn for a living.

Yeah this is just fucking wonderful. :(

Legal problems, jail, conviction record, is all so much better then selling a plant. :(

Sue
Weed is a funny thing. I used to smoke a lot of it as a kid until I was probably 25 or so. But, since then, it just makes me really stupid and paranoid. I always say, smoking weed is fine for Women and Kids but Men need to keep their wits about them :) I would much rather have my Children smoking weed than drinking. It's too bad they do both. :) I have to suspect that no woman ever woke up in the morning, looking to her side and seeing a man saying, "What the hell did I do last night?" Like women sometimes do after drinking too much. And most people that buy and even sell weed are a gentle sort. I really can't remember hearing of anyone getting killed for selling or buying weed. Even though I don't indulge, I know weed should be legal.

The pills are another thing. If he was selling pills, I can see calling the police if you are at the end of your rope.

To me, tough love would be getting an intervention specialist and letting your son know that either he stops or you will have nothing more to do with him. And, I know the threat of any of my kids losing their safety net is enough to get them to do or stop doing just about anything. For some reason, once someones child sees how their actions hurt the people they love, they seem to finally see what they are doing is wrong.

I have a child that had problems with pills and even liquid morphine. Once the kid found out that his/her parents were going to get a loan to send the kid to a very expensive rehab...that was the end of all of it.

Calling the police should only be a last resort. It will cause problems down the road with job prospects. As long as you know there is nothing else you could have done, you did the right thing. Only you know if there was anything else you could have done.

Just make sure you have money on his books.. and be prepared to support him when he gets out since he won't be able to get a more than minimum wage job for the next 20 or so years.

Somewhere in my tired but goodhead I think i take issue with that but because it's July 11th i'll let you slide. :D

Jim I guess you are one of those that get paranoid when they indulge. :D

What does selling porn have to do with it??? What I do is legal, I'm not going to get shot, I'm not hurting anyone else. It does not compare to selling pill, and pot, nowadays when someone will bump you off for ten bucks.

I have nothing against pot, I smoked it for many years and I'm fine. I have a problem with my child selling it. And selling it out of my house. So I guess you think I should have looked the other way, and grounded him, took the car away from him. Before I had him arrested I look for rehab, and any help. There is NOTHING for getting your child off pot because it is not additive. What is additive Cleo to a young man like him is the money.

So he will only get a minimun wage job...hell he was going to quit his job to only sell as the money is much better and easier. I saw the path he was heading for, I didn't do this on the spure of the moment. Talking and threating him did no good, sure I could have kept him home chained to his bed and that would have stopped him |huh

A record and a minimun wage job, is a hell of a lot better than being six feet under because you pissed off your supplier or the wrong person.

Don't throw morals at me, you think because we are parents who do porn we should just let our kids do as they please?? |bullshit|

I think I heard that on one of the Godfather movies. And, I don't think it was about smoking weed. it just pisses my wife off so I say it :) She does indulge really often. The only thing that stops her is when there is a chance for her to take her bike for a ride. She won't ride if she has smoked at all that day.

I do have to say though...if I have nothing important on my mind, I do enjoy a good joint every blue moon. I have probably smoked weed 5 times in the past 20 years. The problem is, I don't know if there is anything bothering me until I smoke :) So, I just assume go without. Most people seem to grow out of it for some reason.

Well said Ponygirl |thumb

Sue just made without doubt a heart wrenching decision. My personal opinion of that decision is irrelevant...what's important is that she's a well liked member of this community, and I support her as a friend :)

Sue,

My heart goes out to you. You had to make an extremely hard decision as a parent. I respect you for doing what you thought was best for your young adult.

It is so much better than the rest of the parents that look the other way and then blame their community, government, tv, internet, porn or anybody they can instead of taking responsibility as a parent. Parenting is a tough job!

Big Hugs go out to you!

thanks for sharing that Sue.

although i dont have any kids and therefore cant completely know how painful that can be, i feel you did the right thing. i have a cousin who in high school was hanging around the wrong crowd and always getting in trouble. he got busted after high school and went to jail. after he came he was a completely different person (for the better).

he went back to school and got a job and he appreciated his family after that.

i hope this will be an inspiration for you and your family during those tough times.

Sue - I spent about two years of my life as a manager of a video store in one of the worst areas of South London. Many of the kids there were doing things as bad or worse, neither the parents or the police did much to stop many of them. Talking to customers, all of them had stories to tell of people they knew who either ended up with 20 year or life sentenced, or ended up dead. The reason they ended up dead or spending most of their life in jail was because nothing scared them when they were young. The area is so rough that the police work on a "only arrest someone if it is really bad" policy, something liker 'dealing' they ignored. The parents did not care enough to do something about it, so the kids began to believe they were untouchable. The result was either getting killed by a rival, or eventually committing a crime that put them in jail for most of their life.

So don't you listen to anyone who tells you did a bad thing. Apart from anything else, you saved your kid's life. I have no idea how your son will react when this is over. I doubt if he will thank you at first. He may never forgive you. He may even never talk to you again. It will be hard for you, but always remember, you did the right thing for your son.

Those who are saying that they would never turn their kid in are saying that they think more of themselves than they do their kid. They are saying they would rather see their kid dead in a pool of blood than suffer the shame of being an informer. Don't listen to them.

My heart goes out to you because you are liable to have a hard time from your son. You are also liable to have a hard time from some of your friends. But always, always remember, you did the right thing for your son.

While hindsight is always 20/20, I can tell you that depending on the amount he had on him, it may not even be a felony, it doesn't sound like he was at escobar level dealing, so he'll probably get a few months and probation, if that.

what's more important is how HE deals with the aftermath, does he change his attitude? or continue in folly? When life gives you lemons....plant some seeds and start an orchard.....grow them to maturity......and bring the orchard public in an IPO|thumb



I teach my kids the worst thing you can say is.......I can't. You make yourself a failure before you even start.

I feel really sorry for you Sue

you seem like a good person but i have to agree with the others

but I do respect your decision

I have never done any drugs
never tried pot at all

but I would have never offered my children up to the police
no matter what they did

Sue I can really feel for you guys. I have a daughter that's 24 and will be off parole when she's in her early forties if she doesn't F*@# up again. Tough love now is better than tough love later. She started out selling baggies which I though was no big deal when her snowball finally petered out it cost thousands to keep the little dummy from being charged with racketeering. A little scare in the beginning would have probably made her act differently later on. Her life is pretty well shot and at a very early age. I hope you intervened in time. My thoughts are with you.
Zee

Well I have to say, these posts have made my day thanks to all of you. It's ok if some of you don't agree with what I did, and have a right to say so. Tommy you are proof that you can disagree with someone without having to bash them that I respect very much.

Just so you all know when my son first got arrested, we put him into counseling. It is now a fact that that didn't work, he chose the path he wanted to take. We did all we could for him but to no avail, so I did what I had to do. Hard to do hell ya, the hardest thing I've ever done. But I have gotten a lot of messages today along with the posts here. A lot of stories how what I did changed quite a few lives for the better for someone they knew. That is what I'm hoping for with my son. So thanks again for all the support you guys rock |thumb

Zee I just saw this post and it means a lot to hear it from a parent who's going threw it thanks so much for posting that. Nathan had already gone from just pot to selling pills to also, who knows what would be next. Thanks again Zee |thumb

hopefully it will work out for the best in the long run Sue, my thoughts are with you sweety |flowers|

Sue I have been there 1st hand. My bro was in that realm of life and tossed so much away. Now he is almost 40 an can't do shit with his life because of selling for over 1/2 of it. Yes the money is good, but the problem comes when they don't get caught. Time goes by, the money piles up and then when they do get in trouble, the money is there to help them out. My bro has been nabbed roughly 3 times, and each time money helped him get off. It got to the point where if I or anyone else in my family got pulled over, we were pulled out of our cars and frisked just cause we were related. He never learned cause he never had to do hard time. 10 days in county jail is joke, they learn the system, postpone court dates till Monday mornings (when they know county is comming for sure) they do this cause if they plead guilty by 9am they can be in county by 10am and out on the wrist/ancle braclet program by 12 noon. Sitting in their own house, eating their own food, etc.
I woke up one morning to a masive bang outside my bedroom door only to find my brother flopping around on the floor with blood comming from his ears, eyes, nose and mouth. Thank god for 8th grade health class or else I would never been able to save him. My dad was yelling at him while flopping, my mom was crying, dogs barking all the while the only one doing anything was me. When my brother came out of the hospital he told us he was freebaseing for 3 days in his room, saw spiders crawling all over him, freaked out and can't remember anymore.
I'm not saying you did the right thing, lord knows my parents tried everything, doctors, consuling, kicking him out, etc. Nothing works. It takes the person to want to change. Today life is fucked up, kids can wind up in jail for 20 years for having 1/8 of weed, instead of getting help. I can only recommed 1 thing for your son. He needs to 1st realize he needs to change. Maybe this turning him in will help. Also if you are smart you will tell him to tell the courts he has a drug problem and needs help. All the drugs were his. NEVER NEVER NEVER SAY YOU WERE SELLING IT. He will go away for a long time and return very very changed. He will not be the son you know. I have a friend sitting in jail right now for cutting of a cab drivers head off due to drugs. No joke. What's really sad is when he finnaly does wake up, it might be too late. My bro has wanted to clean up his life for over 10 years and and every time he gets close, something in his mind either scares him or makes him think he needs to go back to his old ways for money. I have held over 400k in a safe deposit box for him for over 5 years, of which it's all gone. Gone cause he tried to clean up and got no place. He bought a lawn cutting business which was going very well for him, 3k per week. Then one day he got tired of waking up, sold it and went back to his old life.
What you did was not bad. Repairing the damage will be rough. In the end your son will realize either in jail or on his own what you were trying to do. He will come back to you and say he is sorry. It just takes time. Be there for him like a mom is, that's all you can do.

I was thinking about this

just cause he told you hes selling doesnt prove him guilty in a court of law
if push comes to shove its really he said she said bull shit
and you said you only found traces, which is really nothing

not sellable weight

he might get another slap on the wrist

I wish it was that simple Tommy. He had 31 grams of pot, bottle of pills which I have no idea what they were, scales and baggies. They did not catch him selling though, and he's not charge with selling as of yet. As of right now he has 2 felonies and 2 misdemeanors. I don't think the pot will get him in a whole lot of trouble but the pills and intent to sell won't help.

Damn juggernaut that was a horror story you went threw! That sure isn't the kind of life I want for my son, or the rest of my family. I'm just tired and at my wits end with him the change in him in one year is unreal. Of course I'll be here for him always he knows that. He calls us collect 3 to 4 times a day, he won't talk to me but will talk to his dad which I understand.

Well Sue it will get better, but 1st you have to get him out of where he is. Jail is a good wake up call but at that age a few days should do the job. My parents never did that to my brother and I know I have heard them saying maybe they should have. You son is not condemed to this life. He is young and the felonies mean nothing if he is not convicted. He will still be able to get a job, and hell I know many people would dis-agree but if worse comes to worse the military is always an option. I have seen it clean up gang bangers first hand. But I wont go there just saying it's an option. The reason I told you about him telling the courts that he has a problem is not to teach him to lie or pay for the wrong things he has done. It's only to allow you as a family to start repairing this. My family is fine now, but durring that time it was ripped apart due to my brothers actions. You can stop this. My brother often says if my parents took a more active role (IE riding his ass 24/7) he might not have ended up like this. He does not blame them or anyone else, he just wishes at a time when he was dumb and thought he knew everything he had a stong adult figure to force him in a differant direction. You have made the 1st step in opening his eyes as to your feelings about what he is doing. Let's not forget, if he was selling out of your house and the place got raided you could have lost that along with your son. Your next step is to keep him out of jail and have the courts force rehab on him, after that probation might help, but it's up to your whole family to support this. Ride his ass like cheap pony, everyone had to. Don't let him forget what has happened and what can happen if he falls off track. And most of all keep him away from the bad friends. If you can talk to any friends he has or had who do not deal with drugs. Let them also know you and he need their help. Good luck to you, try to sleep even tho you wont. Life goes on as long as you work together as a family you can get though it, lots of families have.

Anyone that thinks jail is going to rehab someone has never did time in jail.

Those that have done time refer to it as college. It's a great place to make contacts, learn new criminal activities, toughen up and learn the finer art of crime.

Florida has some pretty harsh drug laws. Chances are he will do some time and then be let out on probation. Most people that I know that have been on probation manage to violate probation and end up back in jail and then the whole cycle repeats when they are let out on probation again.

Once you are in the legal system it is very hard to ever get on with your life.

Sounds to me like you called the police on your son out of anger and frustration with him. Guess you have shown him not to fuck with you now.

Mother is always a mother! She always think wat is good and right for her children... Sue I really admire what your have did! Love is not always measured thru material things, teaching children good things, providing what your children needs, but love is sometimes a sacrifice.. sacrifice to set thing apart and learn that getting separated with your loveones is not always the end of things.. but its sometimes a way to realize that there are certain mistakes that we have to track in our lives - the right one!

I think you did the right thing. I feel like I wasted 20 years of my life selling and doing drugs. I look back and have soooo many regrets... Unfortunately those 20 years are gone and theres no turning back the clock and re-doing them. And I HAVE done some time and its definately no college for criminals. Between the gangbangers and the crazies I was scared shitless 99% of the time.

I hope it all works out for you Sue.
I'm sure your decision wasn't an easy one.

Sue - can you live with the decision? With its consequences?
I would have gone the intervention route personally but then again it all happened so fast, the panic, the fear...who knows how anyone of us would have reacted.

Yes I can live with my decision. The consequences that will be the tough part, as I know there is a good possibility that jail will make him worse when he gets out. It didn't really happen that fast, I've been watching him go down hill for a while. He's been in counseling since his first arrest, was grounded, lost the car, his tv, his pc etc. He seemed to be doing great so got some of his privileges back. It was just for show though as we soon found out. I really feel and it breaks my heart to feel this way, that he is not going to change. I had to do something drastic to hope he does. Some people have said I should have put him in the Armed Services. I would have tried to go that route but he was born with Hemophilia so could never get in. I did what I felt I had to do.

I am not a parent but I would never turn my child in any case. I would get him help first because sending him to jail is the end of his life no matter what anyone says.

No more voting for him
No more chance to change and get a government job
No more chance at getting a high level job without them thinking he is a criminal.

He is 18 you could have kicked him out or sent him to boot camp. Flush his stash everytime you found it.

Your telling me in 18 years you could tell he was so far gone that there was no other choice but to send him to jail because he sold some drugs. There was no turning back from his life of crime as a drug dealer?

Im sorry to sound harse and I know you guys mean well by being supportive but thats something she and her son will have to live with forever.

Ok don't mind if some people disagree, but damn did you read any of my posts before you wrote that? I did get him help, I didn't just turn him in without trying. I know there are people who have changed their lives in jail, who learned from it and never want to go back there. I'm hoping as he is young and probably scared to death that he will think and change. Is that really so wrong to hope for that for him? It's easy to say you wouldn't do it, but until your a parent and in a situation such as this you really can't say that.

But thanks all of you for your opinions and support I appreciate them all, if you agree or disagree. Do I think I made the perfect decision and everything will be perfect hell no!!