THE RULES Regarding Men
 

1.The nice men are ugly.

2. The handsome men are not nice.

3. The handsome and nice men are gay.

4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

5. The men who are not so handsome but are nice men have no money.

6. The men who are not so handsome but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.

7. The handsome men without money are after our money.

8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual don't think we are beautiful enough.

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat
nice and have money are cowards.

10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!

11.The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW... WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN? AND THEY SAY WOMEN ARE HARD TO UNDERSTAND!

I bet you watch the Lifetime Channel

Men are easy to understand. If it itches, scratch it.

I call "Bullshit" on point eleven :D

They're so shy that they're scared of you when you make the first move...that's not losing interest...just means it has to be one hell of a first move.


Men Are Simple:

1) There is no misunderstanding, disagreement or argument that connot be either temporarily or permanently resolved if you show up bearing a six pack, a pizza and a blowjob.

2) There is almost nothing a man won't give you if you ask for it immediately after you give him a six pack, a pizza and a blowjob.

3) If he denies promising to give you what you asked for, repeat step 2 and he'll either remember or agree again.

3) Question: "why do all men fantasize about doing two chicks at once (or if they can pull it off, why do we enjoy it so much)?" Answer: Sex for men involves strictly linear thinking, thus four titties must be better than two titties. Also note that the most important facet of a FMF threeway for a man is getting two blowjobs at once (because two blowjobs are quite obviously better than one blowjob).

Preferably after having some beer and some pizza.




The doctor is in, feel free to ask any questions about men and I'll be happy to clear things up. :D

Muwahahaha!

Absolutely classic Max |thumb

LMAO!! Have to agree with MadMax and emmanuelle!!

#4 is what I'm married to... |lovers|

And in 28 years of marriage the good ol |blowjob| still works wonders, as does a slight pucker of my lips like I'm gonna cry!

If those two things (plus beer) work then men are very simple to manipulate oops I meant understand.... :D

|jester|


You're making this way too hard.

Good men are easy to find but none will be good enough for my daughter.

Beer is nice but if I'm getting a blow job then I don't need beer. If I'm not getting a blow job then I need beer. I really only need them both on my birthday or when you wreck the car.

Male bonding is based on pain. If 2 guys go out drinking they will only become friends after they feel the pain of a hang over or they get arrested. If 2 guys get in a fight they will become friends only if they both hurt each other. A fishing trip is a bonding experience if it involves cold, rain, enough beer for a hang over or some natural disaster.

Women love shoes and men love toys. If you own more then 6 pairs of shoes then leave me and my latest gadget from Radio Shack alone.

If a man is bitching he wants to know how to fix the issue. We fix things and bitching means we need this fixed now. This is very different then women. If women are bitching they just want to vent. If they want help in solving the issue they'll manipulate men into fixing it, usually by making us think we have a chance at getting a blow job or some beer.

The world is our urinal.

It's late but I could easily go on as we are very easy to understand. If you don't believe it just ask any of us :)

Why women try to over complicate men is beyond me. Here's a brief reference card...just print it up, follow the instructions:

How to make a man happy

Men Ages 18-40: Sex, Food, TV
Men Ages 40-70: Food, Sex, TV
Men Ages 70-90: TV, Food, Sex
Men Ages 90-100: Sex (it's a death wish thing when we get that old), Food, TV.

I'm #10, If a woman is interested she should approach me. If she can't she doesn't have the assertiveness necessary to hold up her end of a great love affair :)

Men are also very loyal to each other, even to the point of not mentioning the fact that a fellow man can't count |couch|

(Doh! My feminine side just got the beter of me).

Im glad I learned all of the rules early - not being shy had its benefits (guess I got the part about you dont get anything if you dont try) - and figured out that even the "untouchables" that most guys dont think they have a chance with - are usually the easiest to approach :)

You're such a stud and you are correct. It's all about how you approach people.

Touche'!

I completely missed it :D

lolol. 2. The handsome men are not nice.
My wife watches Nip Tuck on tv and last night I was forced to lay in bed while it was on. I heard a part in the show where this lady wanted so baby to sleep with one of the doctors. Well he told her he would only do it if she wore a bag over her head. Long story short, she wore the bag lolol. Even worse at the end of the show she entered his office and basiclly said she liked it and any time he wanted her again she would wear the bag lol. He told her to be at his house at 9PM lol.