http://www.top-blogs.com gets good traffic. If your blog is mostly text, it'll stay listed. If it's a banner farm or TGP, don't bother.
If you have an rss feed for your blog, you can submit it to a bunch of feed aggregators automatically at
http://dougal.gunters.org/pingform.php
I'd do that once/day or each time you post a new entry, whichever is less.
For automatic recip linking with others, check out
http://www.bloglinker.com/
After you put the script on your page, you can do automatic trades with anyone else using the script. Bloglinker says it doesn't do adult blogs, but they will take you if the bulk of your content is mainstream. If you use this, be selective about who you trade links with. If you piss a bunch of people off, you'll get banned.