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Tortus, some people (but not me) would say that the 16 year old is still searching for her real sexual identity. Children grow up and learn from their parents, and if she was brought up in a house run by two lesbians, well, her exposure to relationships is different and you get some interesting side results.
Holding hands with another girl might be as natural as can be, not something that she even realizes is good or bad. Your daughter is younger and more impressionable, and she is likely just going along with it not thinking that there is anything to it.
I applaud you for being open minded enough to let your daughter have a friend that is openly bisexual, and I also think you are doing a good job allowing your daughter to see that there are many sides to the deal without freaking out on her or her friend.
What your Mother has done is that exact freak out that leaves nobody comfortable. That sort of action can often challenge a child into making a hard personal choice long before they are ready for it, and can bring on results that are maybe not what is desired. Clearly Mom isn't comfortable with the ideas of lesbianism in any way, but forcing the issue could in fact encourage you daughter to "try that side of the street". Making a fuss where no fuss is required just always ends up bad.
I lived apart from and without communicating with any of my family for more than 15 years. I understand how this can happen.
Alex
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