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stuveltje pm'd me that it might not be too bad to post my pm to her here as well. i dont know, it almost seems a little personal and all but she was some sort of my mentor and i cant explain how much she helped me when i was in this biz.
so this is not only an apology to stuveltje but also to all the good folks from this board that listed tons and tons of my free sites that had to be removed and changed because of the mistakes i made in life.
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hello stuveltje,
this is something i wanted to do for a long time and it seems i finally grew the balls to do it. i cant even remember when and how it happened that you helped me get started in the adult business, that you gave a total stranger that you knew nothing about access to your server and gave him the opportunity to pursue a work that was otherwise impossible to do.
i did a little work here and there, but then i let you down. that was for the first time. after that you took me back and helped me again and again you let me use your hosting and helped me with my sites. it has been so long ago, i dont even know anymore what and how it happened that you took me back without hesitation.
after finishing school and before going to college i wanted to try and stay home for 6 months - be a full time webmaster. as we both now know, i failed - as i always do. i dont know if its in my personality or something but its just what i do. i start something or say i will do something and then (even if its going well) i mess up and just stop working on it.
the second time i messed up i do remember. it was in the fall/winter of 2004 - man, in august i made almost 1000 dollar - it was going great. i wanted to make 1 free site a day and build my own linklist, really get going. you got me my own hosting and all was going great. and then it happened again, i just stopped working - started to watch stupid tv series and played computer games. why? i dont know. i was on the way to be making good money, i just needed to keep working. but i didnt.
in december i started to play world of warcraft - and i can admit now that i got addicted to this f*ing computergame. you wrote me emails, forum posts and icq messages. and that is another thing i did at that time. if there was a problem or i was ashamed of myself i just ignored it. did i see your messages? yes. but i ignored them and there is no reason why i would do it, but i did.
i'm not writing this because i want your help again. i just wanted to say sorry to someone that helped me (a total stranger) twice and was let down by me twice. you have been more than good to me and i ignored you, even though you were just worried about me. like i said before, i have had this on my mind for a long time. you have been a good friend and business partner - for treating that friendship and the business we had together so bad i wanted to apologize.
i'm in college now, the first year was kind of messed up because of me playing too much computer games and not going to class. but i'm working on my grades now and hope all goes well in the next 2 years.
i hope you are well
physio
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