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Old 2008-08-30, 04:18 AM   #3
papagmp
That'll teach you to leave your sister unattended.....
 
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Colorado Springs
Posts: 1,803
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Quote:
Originally Posted by walrus View Post
First, thanks for putting yourself on the chopping blog err block.

Personally, I feel you over use your keywords a bit. By the time I got to the second paragraph, it seemed like I was reading something I had already read. The whole thing felt spammy.

I put a lot of stock in the readability of a post. Words and pictures combining to create a mental fantasy for the reader. Truth is I've let myself get so out of practice with this that I probably only am able to do it satisfactorily on rare occasions and usually I don't take enough time to force myself to do it properly

I've always wondered why you felt Colorado was such a valid keyword. You must be really targeting all the perverts there as you used that specific keyword 9 times.

Talk about readability problems, I've been all over the place so far.

Anyway, here is how I would improve on your post.


Since I write a bit more in the text area I'll leave a link to one of my posts so that you can feel free to rip it apart. Just take note now that I do realize I overuse the word fuck / fucking way to much.

My Post
Walrus,

Thanks for the feedback

I just woke up and re-reading my first post, I'll agree that Colorado was/is a bit spammy. I do get a lot of local traffic on that particular splog and not every post makes mention of Colorado.

Phrases like Colorado girls, Colorado porn, sexy Colorado girls, etc. send me a lot of traffic. I just checked my stats and I got three sales form that splog so far this month with 2 of the three being to Colorado residents.

I'll make another stab at it after a cup of coffee and something to eat.
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