Welcome to [INSERT BOARD NAME HERE], [INSERT MEMBER NAME HERE]!
Greenie pays me a dollar for each one of you who states that you don't post because you are afraid of me. So, if you really want to stick it to me, and possibly halve my monthly income, start posting.
Also, my wife is going away for two months. If any of you are female, not totally heinous, and looking for a miserable, short, pale man to have meaningless, not to mention, unskilled, sex with - hit me up.
STDs are ok. I have condoms. (Remind me to check the expiration date.) Ok, men are fine too. But you must have feminine facial features.