[Pagan]

This has been a crazy couple of months for me... and I still don't believe everything that has happened.

Good stuff.. I am still working full time on my day job, and now have a job working as an administrative assistant/webmistress to a local musician who just released his first CD. It isn't paid in dollars yet, but it may well be by the end of the year. I have been busy learning Joomla and working on his website. (if anyone can answer a couple of rather simple Joomla questions, I would appreciate it!). I am loving the new job and being busier than I could ever imagine.

Bad stuff... I have been married to Polish guy for some 19 years now, and we have been separated for 15 of them due mainly to his drinking. Two years ago, he was at the end of his opportunities in California and he moved out here to Texas with me. I had thought reconciliation, but... decided against it. He told me he had quit drinking some 5 years earlier, and I figured everyone deserves a second chance. He stayed with me for about 3 months and then moved 6 blocks away from me. We saw each other at least once a week if not more often. Even though we could not live as husband and wife, we have always remained friends and helped each other out in so many different ways.

He had been working for an electrical contractor last year who was working on a school in Louisiana. When they came back in August, he was laid off. He had been applying for work, but had not really found much. He also returned to drinking -- rather heavily lately.

Two weeks ago today, I went over to his place as I had not heard from him in about 10 days. He didn't answer when I knocked several times. There was no noise from his place, which was odd. I let myself in, and found his rather well-decomposed body in his bed. He was only 48 years old. We suspect he died at least a week before I found him.

I don't have a cause of death or death certificate yet - no reason why one of my best friends is no longer with me. We just finished moving his personal effects out of his trailer. I am living in a limbo world right now -- coping with his death, paying his bills, arranging for his cremation, and trying to communicate with his family in Poland (the Consul General is helping me there). Because I have no death certificate, he isn't dead to a lot of his creditors and I can't shut off his Dish Network, cell phone, and electricity. Most will not accept the police report. Naturally, there is no will, no life insurance, and no funds in the bank that I can access. We had established completely separate lives -- he wasn't on any of my accounts and I wasn't on his.

I am trying hard to get some sort of rhythm back into my life, but it is very difficult right now. I am a full 5 weeks behind on Hot N Dirty Babes (and longer on the other hubs) and am working at updates once again. If you have submits into me, they will be listed as soon as I can get them done. I am also trying to get back into the building cycle as soon as I can. Staying busy has helped get me this far. (No, I didn't get any bereavement leave from my company. We were too short handed when we first found him, and now it is too late. Sigh...)

Sorry to be such a downer, but... I didn't want y'all to think I had just deserted everyone. I am here, but just in a very strange place right now.