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Pagan · 2017-05-19, 04:54 PM

I know it is little comfort, but this is something I have been using to cope with my little brother's sudden death in January and my other brother's recent near-death from pneumonia (again!). I try to focus on things I can do something about, and move past the others. With my brothers, there is nothing I can do to change what has happened. My little brother had his heart attack and did not survive. I have been staying in closer touch with my 90 year old mother, as I can certainly help her. My little brother is beyond what I can do. It hurts, but it has not derailed me, nor will I allow it to. I have a wonderful, loving husband plus an adorable fur-baby here that need me. I won't forget my brother - I share posts on his memorial page all the time. But, I know he would not want me to dwell on his death.

Even if I was in the states, there is next to nothing I can do for my other brother. He will either heal or he won't. His decades of smoking, drinking, and drug use have taken a toll on him. *I* can't change that. I do stay in touch with him through my mother as he does not answer my emails. I don't ever let this put me into a funk. The ball is in his court. If he chooses to be in touch, he will. If not, that is his choice.

I had only been here in Finland about 8 months when we got the word that my husband's favorite uncle was dying of a very aggressive cancer. My husband tried to commit suicide himself at least 3 different times while his parents were in Eastern Finland visiting. I had to try to deal with my husband's mindset on my own -- no mental health services in our area over the weekend. I don't think I slept until his parents got home 2 days later. They were rather blasé and casual about the whole thing - as if it was normal.

My husband is such a warm loving person. Every time something hits the news about an accident or shooting in the US, he comes and tells me - all worried. Things like this hurt him. I have to stay strong for him. I tell him that all we can do is take care of the ones living in this house - him, me, and our cat. To a lesser extent, we also watch out for his parents but he and our Jessie come first in my book. Beyond that, we are very cautious about who we allow close to us and just how close at that.

Losing someone of Chris Cornell's caliber hurts on many levels... but so did the death of several very good friends plus my husband's uncle and my brother in the 5 years since I moved from Texas. When we go to the cemetery to visit his grandparents, we take an extra candle for them. It's not much but it keeps the memories alive.

I can almost understand the drug overdoses, but this one.... it's beyond me.

2017-05-19, 04:54 PM	#3
Pagan Perverted Empress Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Finland Posts: 4,649	I know it is little comfort, but this is something I have been using to cope with my little brother's sudden death in January and my other brother's recent near-death from pneumonia (again!). I try to focus on things I can do something about, and move past the others. With my brothers, there is nothing I can do to change what has happened. My little brother had his heart attack and did not survive. I have been staying in closer touch with my 90 year old mother, as I can certainly help her. My little brother is beyond what I can do. It hurts, but it has not derailed me, nor will I allow it to. I have a wonderful, loving husband plus an adorable fur-baby here that need me. I won't forget my brother - I share posts on his memorial page all the time. But, I know he would not want me to dwell on his death. Even if I was in the states, there is next to nothing I can do for my other brother. He will either heal or he won't. His decades of smoking, drinking, and drug use have taken a toll on him. I can't change that. I do stay in touch with him through my mother as he does not answer my emails. I don't ever let this put me into a funk. The ball is in his court. If he chooses to be in touch, he will. If not, that is his choice. I had only been here in Finland about 8 months when we got the word that my husband's favorite uncle was dying of a very aggressive cancer. My husband tried to commit suicide himself at least 3 different times while his parents were in Eastern Finland visiting. I had to try to deal with my husband's mindset on my own -- no mental health services in our area over the weekend. I don't think I slept until his parents got home 2 days later. They were rather blasé and casual about the whole thing - as if it was normal. My husband is such a warm loving person. Every time something hits the news about an accident or shooting in the US, he comes and tells me - all worried. Things like this hurt him. I have to stay strong for him. I tell him that all we can do is take care of the ones living in this house - him, me, and our cat. To a lesser extent, we also watch out for his parents but he and our Jessie come first in my book. Beyond that, we are very cautious about who we allow close to us and just how close at that. Losing someone of Chris Cornell's caliber hurts on many levels... but so did the death of several very good friends plus my husband's uncle and my brother in the 5 years since I moved from Texas. When we go to the cemetery to visit his grandparents, we take an extra candle for them. It's not much but it keeps the memories alive. I can almost understand the drug overdoses, but this one.... it's beyond me. __________________ Submit Here!