Will it Fly? I would appreciate feedback

[T Pat]

I'm not realy sure where to post this so I'll give the newbie section a shot.
Mr. MarryLou is allways saying you have to think out of the box, well this is outside of the box, I'll be marketing to mainstream webmasters first then to the adult webmasters. and everyone can get along or just go fuckthemselves. Writeing add copy is one of those things that can drive a person wacko wondering if it's good or stupid or if the ad will even be read. So tell me does this make you want to buy, barf or shut the computer down and go to the bar.
http://www.rssnobrainer.com
And please let me know if it doesn't look right on your computer or you see a typo or anything like that
Thanx

[Halfdeck]

Hey Pat,

/no-bullshit on

First thing I noticed are the bold text, which slowed me down, because instead of reading from top to bottom, my eyes are jumping all over the page where the bold text are.

Then I see the text all centered without a paragraph structure, which requires more mental work for me to read than a regularly formatted text.

Then the first sentence that reads like a question but ends with a period made me stop and think, "does this guy know how to write? Can I trust this guy?"

The second sentence With Capitalized Text and BOLD FACE also doesn't help build my confidence in the writer, then followed by "Mine did" with no following period made me conclude, "this guy doesn't know how to write."

That's my impression I got from skimming the page.

/no-bullshit off

[Preacher]

Originally Posted by Halfdeck

Hey Pat,
...Then I see the text all centered without a paragraph structure, which requires more mental work for me to read than a regularly formatted text.

My thoughts exactly, in fact so much so that I just skimmed the text instead of really reading it, leaving me wondering, is this just to pull an rss feed to my site, or is this supposed to make an rss feed of my site.

-Preacher

[RawAlex]

You lost my attention before the second "paragraph". You might have something interesting to say, but the layout, format, and such kill it before I even get started.

Also, IMHO, a sales pitch should not spend so much time putting down the other side. I had to read a long way to come to even understand that you were offering a product, and not just launching out some blog style verbal spew about RSS being not as S as you want it to be.

Also, your product name is backwards. "RSS No Brainer" isn't how people mentally lineup a product name. "Nobrainer-RSS" is more in keeping with what people want. When you go "RSS No Brainer is the RSS system that makes RSS not look so difficult like other RSS things RSS blah RSS" I am losing your product name in the middle of it all.

Overall, the page does not inspire confidence in me that the product is going to work.

Just my 2 cents worth, plus uncle sugar excise.

[T Pat]

Thanx Guy's that's the kind of input I was looking for, I know greenguy hates centered text too. I love centered text but it's not about me it's about saveing other webmasters time and money on over priced RSS solutions and makeing sales with a fairly priced product. The bolding of course was for the search engines but if it is turning people off I'll definately lose it.

[Pipboy]

"(if you can get the script installed and working) rely on Jave scripts or I frames so they won't help your web site with the search engines."

I'm a programmer, I've written all of the software I use on my sites and this sentence makes me laugh. You clearly don't know what you're talking about but are trying to sound like you do. That probably sounds more harsh than it actually is.

[Simon]

Hiya T Pat... glad to see you're making progress on this idea.

I'm looking forward to seeing how the 'no-brainer' scripts handle the problems we're all having with RSS feeds.

I'll toss my 2 cents in to say I agree with how the bold text, the centering, the punctuation, and other things pointed out, do work against you for what I think you're trying to do. But fortunately, all of that is easy to tweak.

Alex's points about the product name itself, and about too much time spent putting down the competition, are very good ones.

You could just have another page on "what's wrong with how RSS usually works" for those who care about that. Or maybe a sidebar with a contrasting color background and smaller font size, so it's 'extra' info, not your main message.

As far as the name is concerned, if you're set on "RSS No Brainer," then there are some ways to work with that. But "No Brainer RSS" does work better I think. (I also was thinking about "EasyRSS" and "ReallyRSS" as alternatives for you.)

Okay, maybe a little more that 2 cents.

Simon

[furrygirl]

I agree with the other posters.

Why would we trust you to be our writer when everything we've seen of you is chock full of spelling and grammar errors, and is formatted and written so it's hard to read? Please, please, get a basic grade school English text book. Your capitalization, plurals, punctuation, and sentence structure is just too hard to understand.

[MadMax]

Originally Posted by furrygirl

Your capitalization, plurals, punctuation, and sentence structure is just too hard to understand.

Should read "Your capitalization, plurals, punctuation [remove comma] and sentence structure are [not "is"] just too hard to understand."

Tpat: All I see on that page ATM with Firefox is a Yahoo News RSS feed |noclue|

[furrygirl]

Originally Posted by MadMax

Should read "Your capitalization, plurals, punctuation [remove comma] and sentence structure are [not "is"] just too hard to understand."

I've never claimed to be perfect, and that's the second error someone has so excitedly pointed out to me since I joined this board.

All I can say is, I'm not the one here to get ya'll to pay me for "Writeing add copy" for your sites.

[Chop Smith]

Would the person 'here to get ya'll to pay me for "Writeing add copy" for your sites' please raise their hand?

[Surfn]

Originally Posted by Chop Smith

Would the person 'here to get ya'll to pay me for "Writeing add copy" for your sites' please raise their hand?

[T Pat]

Max - That's all that is on the page now, rest assured a brilliant mind is building the ultimate solution.
Chop - Smart Ass
Surfin - Smart Ass #2
Furygirl - Congratulations, your in first place for "the most condescending reply to someone asking for advice that I have read on this board".
Why you felt the need to reply to this thread 19 days after I had received and acknowledged the advice from three board members that I respect baffles me, I can only assume that it's related to the emotional baggage your packing around (if your wondering how I knew, it's no mystery it comes through on most of your posts).
I'll let you in on a little secret my arthritis has gotten so bad that I can barely walk now and I have not stepped off my boat since early June and would like nothing more than a good pissing match to vent the frustration I'm feeling with my body turning into an aching pile of shit.
It's not going to happen because I have to much going on to waste my time trading insults with a head case who probable has issues with anyone that can piss further and higher than she can.
This is the last post from me on this thread, let it die