My daughter's friend is bi....family troubles!

[tortus32]

Ok, my daughter has a friend (female) who is bi sexual. My daughter is 14 and the friend is 16. I could care less, doesn't bother me. In fact the girl slept over our house once or twice. Me and my wife spoke to our daughter about it and she says that she only likes boys and wouldn't think of doing anything with her friend.

Our daughter is still a virgin for all we know, but her friend has sex all the time. Her parents allow her to have her boyfriend and/or girlfriend sleep over all the time (not cool by me). Her parents are lesbians, and other than how they let her daughter sleep around so much right under their own roof, I think they are the coolest people in the neighborhood.
One day we all went to a flea market and my Mom came with us. My daughter and her friend held hands for a little bit, and my Mom spotted this. She later freaked out saying how this girl is going to make her grand daughter a lesbian. She freaked out on me saying that I'm a bad father to allow her to be friends with "that thing". She said many other durogatory terms about her being half black and such, which I won't mention here, but it really brought out a side of my Mom that I never saw. She ended the last phone conversation with "I wash my hands of all of you!"

Well, it's been about 4 months now and I still don't talk to my Mom. My Dad (stepfather) who had been in a home for almost a year died 2 weeks ago, so my Mom called just to tell me he died. No service, just a cremation.

Ok, I just had to get this out of me - sorry!
Isn't family the best?

[Greenguy]

Your family is just like every other one, but I have to admit, that other girl's family sounds pretty hot

[Surfn]

My grown daughters turn their nose up at what I do in adult. But they have no problem with the $$$$$$. Go figure

Just keep reminding yourself that those who frown on what you do are not paying your bills...

[Cleo]

Your mom needs to start living in the real world. Until then nothing you can really do.

[Fonz]

The girl should be crucified!!!
Oh wait, we're not living in the 1500's anymore.

I hope you can work things out with your mom tortus.

[RawAlex]

Tortus, some people (but not me) would say that the 16 year old is still searching for her real sexual identity. Children grow up and learn from their parents, and if she was brought up in a house run by two lesbians, well, her exposure to relationships is different and you get some interesting side results.

Holding hands with another girl might be as natural as can be, not something that she even realizes is good or bad. Your daughter is younger and more impressionable, and she is likely just going along with it not thinking that there is anything to it.

I applaud you for being open minded enough to let your daughter have a friend that is openly bisexual, and I also think you are doing a good job allowing your daughter to see that there are many sides to the deal without freaking out on her or her friend.

What your Mother has done is that exact freak out that leaves nobody comfortable. That sort of action can often challenge a child into making a hard personal choice long before they are ready for it, and can bring on results that are maybe not what is desired. Clearly Mom isn't comfortable with the ideas of lesbianism in any way, but forcing the issue could in fact encourage you daughter to "try that side of the street". Making a fuss where no fuss is required just always ends up bad.

I lived apart from and without communicating with any of my family for more than 15 years. I understand how this can happen.

Alex

[Cleo]

Living in a straight world all my life still has yet to turn me straight.

[RawAlex]

No Cleo, it certainly hasn't!

Alex

[MrYum]

I agree 100% with Alex

The only problem here is the one created by those looking on. It's sad that your mother can't handle that because it has already alienated her from yourself and your daughter

You just keep doing what you're doing...supporting your daughter as she grows and matures into who she's going to be in life

[Jim]

Originally Posted by Surfn

My grown daughters turn their nose up at what I do in adult. But they have no problem with the $$$$$$. Go figure

As I so eloquently wrote in today's newsletter, telling your daughters what you do is the right thing. If they can't handle it, that is really their problem. But I know it has to seem like yours as well. My children have known for years. Even when they were younger I sat down and told them. A few years ago, my 16 year old daughter always told her friends she wanted to go into the family business. I am happy to say she is going to school for Business Administration Both of my sons have tried to break into the business several times but for some reason, they never listened to my advice. My oldest daughter has never had an interest in the business. But, she does get paid almost $150 to give someone a haircut.

Telling them when they were young seemed to work well. I told them this is why you have nice clothes, new bicycles and money in your pockets. All of a sudden, they didn't care.

tortus32
That sucks about your mother. Life is too short and I would give anything to talk to my Mother just once more

[SirMoby]

In Asia I saw young women holding hands all the time and in Eastern Europe I remember seeing women arm in arm while walking and chatting. The only dirty thing about it was my own thoughts

Any chance I could get a sleep over with her parents?

[tortus32]

Thanks for all the replies.

And for those interested in the two lesbians, they both look like:
http://www.fragglerocker.com/media/p...ters_gorgs.jpg

Not the best looking people, but they are really cool people.

[sue-fl]

Well letting a 16 year old have sleep overs is messed up in my book. But I don't judged what other parents do, as it's their kid. As far as holding hands, the fact that your mom freaked out is really sad. I think that is an innocent as can be. I would not read anything into that as your daughter is only 14. Hell my best friend and I hug and hold hands when were out all the time. It's close friendship is all. I do believe your born to be what you turn out to be. No one can make you be bi, gay or lesbian. To bad you and your mom are not talking, I'm sure that is upsetting for you. I applauded you for standing your ground though

[Lema]

I'm sorry to hear about your bad luck tortus32. This type of stuff happens all the time though. It's great that you are teaching your daughter what's right and what's wrong and continue to do so. Don't compromise your prinicples for the ignorance of your mom. Yea she's old and stuck in her ways but why expose you and your amily to that type of crap. You may look back one day and say that you missed out on you mother's love but that love comes with pain and it's not worth it. Trust me my family is CRAZY and I'm always blamed for everything but I have now put my foot down. Noone is allowed to call me until someone dies. I refuse to be thier whipping boy any longer. Nor should you be your mom's. Good luck

[Linkster]

Its too bad that the US has always had this puritanical outlook on outward appearances - in Europe its not even noticed when two girls kiss or hold hands walking down the street as thats what girlfriends (and I dont mean a lesbian relationship) just do - theyve been raised without a stigma attached to being "too close" to another human beings body.
But then I guess any society that thinks (boy youre gonna love this one that just came out of US Senate candidates mouth) homosexual relations are not only against the principles of the bible, but a crime.
This guy actually spewed: that when elected he will make sure that it becomes a felony punishable by death. Look out Ohio

[Greenguy]

I do love a good Fraggle Rock reference

[tortus32]

Originally Posted by Greenguy

I do love a good Fraggle Rock reference

I swear, they look just like that - lol!

I'm really not all that upset about not talking to my Mom.

It's actually a bit of a relief not having her stopping by every friggin weekend, and having to hear my wife bitch about that she stops by every friggin weekend - LOL!