We are with new LL for posters again - Page 16

Simon · 2005-11-21, 05:44 AM

Okay, I was staying out of this thread, but since UW started it, I'll add this (lame) dog joke...

--

A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet.
"My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"

"Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."

"What? Because he's cross-eyed?

"No, because he's really heavy."

--

Surfn · 2005-11-21, 05:57 AM

Lady Nancy Astor, Viscountess: "If you were my husband, Winston, I should flavour your coffee with poison."

Winston Churchill: "If I WERE your husband, madam, I should drink it."

Mr. Blue · 2005-11-21, 07:11 AM

Bad joke time? hehe:

A couple cannot wait to be married. They are driving home and hit a patch of ice, crash, die and go right to heaven. Appearing before Saint Peter, they tell him, "Saint Peter, we couldn't wait to get married, Could you get us married here in heaven ." Saint Peter pauses and says, "I'll see what I can do." Time passes and Saint Peter calls the couple to his office and tells them, "I have some good news, you are going to be married." They are married and are so happy. As time goes on, they go back to see Saint Peter. They tell him, "we want a divorce. This marriage isn't what we thought it would be. We can't stand it." Saint Peter responds,"give me a break, it took me 10 years to find a priest to marry you, it will take me forever to find you a lawyer."

SI · 2005-11-21, 07:26 AM

I just think of
How many centuries it takes to find an AWM in heaven...
Mommy, we're all drift in hell

Wazza · 2005-11-21, 07:36 AM

A woman goes to a Chinese relationship counsellor to ask why she's having trouble getting a date.

After thinking for a while he says "Your problem is that you have exackeries disease"

"Exackeries disease?" she says

"Yes, your head looks exackery like your arse"

YEAH BABY! CAN YA FEEL IT? HUH!? HUH!?

Yoda · 2005-11-21, 08:40 AM

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd want to have dinner with.

Russian Way

Jim · 2005-11-21, 09:00 AM

Page 16 huh???
This seems like the Greenguy And Jim equivelent to Seinfeld. A thread about nothing.

Yoda · 2005-11-21, 09:04 AM

Jim, can I use link to non-adult board in my sig?

docholly · 2005-11-21, 10:55 AM

A man died and went to heaven.

As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a
Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved
twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's President Bush's clock?" asked the man.

"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

RawAlex · 2005-11-21, 11:02 AM

Bump for the day crew....

Alex

Useless · 2005-11-21, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by docholly

"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

Zing! It's like McDonalds - I'm lovin' it.

Jim · 2005-11-21, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yoda

Jim, can I use link to non-adult board in my sig?

Sorry but we have a strict rule against any resource site links.

As they say, "We don't do it on other boards and we expect the same courtesy".

Agent · 2005-11-21, 12:50 PM

in soviet russia long threads own you |whip|

Yoda · 2005-11-22, 01:20 AM

He also made the stars. God set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth, to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day.
Genesis 1:16-19

The only thing impossible to do on the fourth day - to make the owner of

Quote:

Originally Posted by kit

5 well known resources for surfers and webmasters.

reply.

Well, Kit. Silence is the best answer in your case. Thanks for clearing what the team you are playing for.

Your speach-writers failed.

Finita-la-comedia.
GAME OVER

Chop Smith · 2005-11-22, 02:05 AM

A woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more and for the second time attempted the step, and once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a southern gentleman who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The gentleman smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly for the third time, I kinda figured we were friends."

rscott · 2005-11-22, 09:56 AM

I was thinking about doing a holiday site, it involves a girl and a turkey leg, would that be considered zoo? It would'nt involve a live turkey so I'm not sure

RawAlex · 2005-11-22, 10:12 AM

No, it's zoo if it was a live, messy after it is cooked... just make sure it has cooled down before use

Alex

Useless · 2005-11-22, 10:18 AM

Don't forget the stuffing!

Wazza · 2005-11-22, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Useless Warrior

Don't forget the stuffing!

I thought that was the point

docholly · 2005-11-22, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chop Smith

The gentleman smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly for the third time, I kinda figured we were friends."

LMAO

docholly · 2005-11-22, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by docholly

LMAO

True story: This past weekend a guy walks into my shop and asks me if i have round candles. I show my 12 and 14" pillars..but he says no i want ball candles.. I said.. i don't have balls but the guy in J-31 might. He's across from the guy with the nuts, you can't miss him ..he's got big ones.

well my neighbors on both sides were laughing so hard tears were coming and i was still just jabbering away.. until the Bag Lady pointed out that i'd said..i have no balls..

Edit: Phuck i wanted to edit the one BEFORE this.. one.. instead i'm quoting myself..

emmanuelle · 2005-11-22, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rscott

I was thinking about doing a holiday site, it involves a girl and a turkey leg, would that be considered zoo? It would'nt involve a live turkey so I'm not sure

No turkey, but will a chicken do?
http://www.billyhoe.com/dudehour/turkey.jpg

eman · 2005-11-22, 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by docholly

True story: This past weekend a guy walks into my shop and asks me if i have round candles. I show my 12 and 14" pillars..but he says no i want ball candles.. I said.. i don't have balls but the guy in J-31 might. He's across from the guy with the nuts, you can't miss him ..he's got big ones.

well my neighbors on both sides were laughing so hard tears were coming and i was still just jabbering away.. until the Bag Lady pointed out that i'd said..i have no balls..

Reminds me of a "Two Ronnies" sketch http://pegnsean.net/%7Eoccupant/candle01.htm

DJilla · 2005-11-22, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Surfn

This thread has gone from bad to surreal

This is too weird. I can't believe I spent all this time reading this stuff, but its fascinating like a traffic accident.

Either these poor ruskie rascals have been completely flamed out of control when all they're guilty of is ignorance, cutting sloppy corners and trying to make a buck (like a lot of newbies)

OR

They're a group of very slick WM's that all have Master's degrees and are fluent in 5 languages and have a master plan to take over the international porn market by spamming the entire web with LL's so out there you want to click on things just to see where they go and humourous non sensical sentences posted on the boards and then running the threads in "tag team" fashion.

"Me thinks there is a far deeper conspiracy afloat Watson."

Bizarre... truly bizarre. But, the jokes at the end are pretty good!

Surfn · 2005-11-22, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DJilla

This is too weird. I can't believe I spent all this time reading this stuff, but its fascinating like a traffic accident.

Either these poor ruskie rascals have been completely flamed out of control when all they're guilty of is ignorance, cutting sloppy corners and trying to make a buck (like a lot of newbies)

OR

They're a group of very slick WM's that all have Master's degrees and are fluent in 5 languages and have a master plan to take over the international porn market by spamming the entire web with LL's so out there you want to click on things just to see where they go and humourous non sensical sentences posted on the boards and then running the threads in "tag team" fashion.

"Me thinks there is a far deeper conspiracy afloat Watson."

Bizarre... truly bizarre. But, the jokes at the end are pretty good!

IMHO they have a plan...that they don't want anyone outside their gang to know about. |badidea|

2005-11-21, 05:44 AM	#376
Simon That which does not kill us, will try, try again. Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Conch Republic Posts: 5,150	Okay, I was staying out of this thread, but since UW started it, I'll add this (lame) dog joke... -- A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? "No, because he's really heavy." -- __________________ "If you're happy and you know it, think again." -- Guru Pitka

2005-11-21, 05:57 AM	#377
Surfn If you don’t take a chance the Angels won’t dance Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Earth on occasion Posts: 8,812	Lady Nancy Astor, Viscountess: "If you were my husband, Winston, I should flavour your coffee with poison." Winston Churchill: "If I WERE your husband, madam, I should drink it." __________________ Surfn's Links Are you a partner?

2005-11-21, 07:11 AM	#378
Mr. Blue Searching for Jimmy Hoffa Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Long Island, NY Posts: 771	Bad joke time? hehe: A couple cannot wait to be married. They are driving home and hit a patch of ice, crash, die and go right to heaven. Appearing before Saint Peter, they tell him, "Saint Peter, we couldn't wait to get married, Could you get us married here in heaven ." Saint Peter pauses and says, "I'll see what I can do." Time passes and Saint Peter calls the couple to his office and tells them, "I have some good news, you are going to be married." They are married and are so happy. As time goes on, they go back to see Saint Peter. They tell him, "we want a divorce. This marriage isn't what we thought it would be. We can't stand it." Saint Peter responds,"give me a break, it took me 10 years to find a priest to marry you, it will take me forever to find you a lawyer." __________________ 69Blue.com ICQ #223487665

2005-11-21, 07:26 AM	#379
SI You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try' Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 163	I just think of How many centuries it takes to find an AWM in heaven... Mommy, we're all drift in hell __________________ DDF Cash

2005-11-21, 07:36 AM	#380
Wazza I'm a jaded evil bastard, I wouldn't piss on myself if I was on fire... Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 808	A woman goes to a Chinese relationship counsellor to ask why she's having trouble getting a date. After thinking for a while he says "Your problem is that you have exackeries disease" "Exackeries disease?" she says "Yes, your head looks exackery like your arse" YEAH BABY! CAN YA FEEL IT? HUH!? HUH!? __________________ I sale Internet My sites have no traffic and no PR - let's trade - PM me

2005-11-21, 08:40 AM	#381
Yoda I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 81	Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd want to have dinner with. Russian Way __________________ Never born, never die

2005-11-21, 09:00 AM	#382
Jim Banned Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Mohawk, New York Posts: 19,477	Page 16 huh??? This seems like the Greenguy And Jim equivelent to Seinfeld. A thread about nothing.

2005-11-21, 09:04 AM	#383
Yoda I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 81	Jim, can I use link to non-adult board in my sig? __________________ Never born, never die

2005-11-21, 10:55 AM	#384
docholly Nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Sin-City USA Posts: 4,973	A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life." "Where's President Bush's clock?" asked the man. "Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan." __________________ Support Indie Porn Sites OMGoddess You know you need some Bling!!

2005-11-21, 11:02 AM	#385
RawAlex Took the hint. Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 5,597	Bump for the day crew.... Alex

2005-11-21, 12:50 PM	#388
Agent You can now put whatever you want in this space :) Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 631	in soviet russia long threads own you \|whip\| __________________ Brihana.com

2005-11-22, 02:05 AM	#390
Chop Smith Eighteen 'til I Die Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Mississippi Posts: 2,168	A woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more and for the second time attempted the step, and once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step. About this time, a southern gentleman who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The gentleman smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly for the third time, I kinda figured we were friends." __________________

2005-11-22, 09:56 AM	#391
rscott I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Philippines Posts: 84	I was thinking about doing a holiday site, it involves a girl and a turkey leg, would that be considered zoo? It would'nt involve a live turkey so I'm not sure __________________ Cyber Link XXX Cyber Link XXX - ASIA -

2005-11-22, 10:12 AM	#392
RawAlex Took the hint. Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 5,597	No, it's zoo if it was a live, messy after it is cooked... just make sure it has cooled down before use Alex

2005-11-22, 10:18 AM	#393
Useless Certified Nice Person Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Dirty Undies, NY Posts: 11,268	Don't forget the stuffing! __________________ Click here to purchase a bridge I'm selling.