God's Law Or Why Can't I Own A Canadian?

ArtWilliams · 2010-05-25, 04:37 PM

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate!!!

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them:

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev.24:10-16.)? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

James M. Kauffman,

Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Department of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education

University of Virginia

(It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian)

Cleo · 2010-05-25, 04:41 PM

People who believe in invisible imaginary omnipotent creatures just annoying me.

LD · 2010-05-25, 04:59 PM

Hard to believe people still take those ancient religious laws seriously.

oldbrad · 2010-05-25, 05:24 PM

is watching

LD · 2010-05-25, 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oldbrad

is watching

Would be a good time for a Mexican voyeur porn joke here...

but I got nothin'...

bluemoney · 2010-05-25, 09:24 PM

. . . . and might I throw in a "Fuck Dr Laura"!

SheepGuy · 2010-05-25, 11:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluemoney

. . . . and might I throw in a "Fuck Dr Laura"!

Sure! Unless she's on the rag

Vekseid · 2010-05-26, 04:26 AM

I, for one, have been touched by His noodley appendage, and await my endless supply of strippers in Heaven.

Ramen.

terry · 2010-05-26, 10:22 PM

Damn thats good.

2010-05-25, 04:37 PM	#1
ArtWilliams You can now put whatever you want in this space :) Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 6,244	God's Law Or Why Can't I Own A Canadian? In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative: Dear Dr. Laura, Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate!!! I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them: 1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? 3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. 4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? 5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it? 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination? 7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here? 8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die? 9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? 10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev.24:10-16.)? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Your adoring fan, James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Department of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian)

2010-05-25, 04:41 PM	#2
Cleo Subversive filth of the hedonistic decadent West Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Southeast Florida Posts: 27,936	People who believe in invisible imaginary omnipotent creatures just annoying me. __________________ Free Rides on Uber and Lyft Uber Car: uberTzTerri Lyft Car: TZ896289

2010-05-25, 04:59 PM	#3
LD wtfwjd? Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 2,103	Hard to believe people still take those ancient religious laws seriously. __________________ Artisteer Wordpress Theme Generator Create Custom Themes! My Little Network

2010-05-25, 05:24 PM	#4
oldbrad It is better to watch things then to do them Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: oregon Posts: 485	is watching __________________ Help MrMaryLou Link to his Chubby TGP & Chubby Links on your sites and blogs.

2010-05-25, 09:24 PM	#6
bluemoney Shimmering Silver Head Of Wisdom Looking At Me! Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Chronic Town Posts: 2,024	. . . . and might I throw in a "Fuck Dr Laura"! __________________ Milf Porn For The Masses

2010-05-26, 04:26 AM	#8
Vekseid Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 23	I, for one, have been touched by His noodley appendage, and await my endless supply of strippers in Heaven. Ramen. __________________ Sexual Role Playing Forum - Role Playing Sites - Adult Role Playing

2010-05-26, 10:22 PM	#9
terry You can now put whatever you want in this space :) Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Montreal Posts: 5,883	Damn thats good. __________________ Stop That 9 To 5 Go Green Grocery Store