Are my blog descriptions rubbish?

[virgohippy]

Originally Posted by walrus

...it reads like your really not into chicks.

I agree.

It's your tone. I don't hear a very convincing desire. When you talk about how much you'd like something you imply it with soft language rather then say it in harder, more direct language.

Here's what I mean - turn this:

Jasmine is married, but her husband has NO idea that she is doing this. She says she likes the idea of guys jerking off over her pic and video. I guess she is a happy girl then! Jasmine says she loves when two guys take her at the same time.. well i would up for that! Want to join me?

more into this:

Jasmine is married, but her husband has NO idea that she is doing this. She says she likes the idea of guys jerking off over her pic and video. I already did my part to help make her a happy girl! Jasmine also says she loves when two guys take her at the same time... now I need to find someone to join me.

Add conviction. Make it sound like you mean it when you wanna fuck somebody. Wouldn't hurt to throw in some details about the sensation of the action as if you were in it rather then just state the action like you're watching from the outside.

For example:

a pair of tits to slide your dick into and a hot little pussy for afters

could read:

tits which could caress a man's dick like soft fleshy pillows and a hot little pussy that would grab on tight when you're ready for some REAL sex