Thought I was at an Amway convention

[Fisty Palmer]

Although relatively new here, I am relieved the sky hasn't fallen and GG&J are back online.

Last night when I tried to read the posts, the sudden vacuum of a non-existent forum sent me into a panic. It was almost as frightening as an Amway seminar I once attended. Now there's something that's truly scary!

Years ago an ex-girfriend dragged me to one of those meetings. I think I left skid marks all the way there.

I remember my ex attended functions for about a month (insisted I go), and they wanted us to pass out cassette tapes to our friends, as well as these vertical shaped boxes full of products. I think they called them I-paks. Probably short for idiot paks.

The meetings were frightening gatherings of young, right-wing conservatives who almost broke out into fits of teeth-gritting, eyeball-popping ecstasy whenever someone mentioned the phrase "the plan," and they'd all stand and clap like trained circus monkeys whenever it was revealed someone had "gone diamond."

I never understood what was going on, other than when it was all done we'd leave the auditorium like programmed robots, obediently mumbling "tapes, books, rallies....tapes, books, rallies....tapes, books, rallies."

I think it was at one of the longer seminars that I first entertained notions of pouring gasoline over my head and setting myself on fire.

Amway...the scariest 5 letter word I ever heard.

What does any of this have to do with porn? Well, the next time your adult biz is teetering on the rocks, you can say to yourself: "Gee, it could be worse. I could be a fucking Amway salesman."