Gmail invite - who wants it?

[digifan]

Woman's English
"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry
"We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
"Do what you want" = You'll pay for this later.
"Sure, go ahead" = I don't want you to.
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset you moron.
"We need to talk" = I need to complain.
"You're so manly" = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
"You're certainly attentive tonight" = Is sex all you ever think about?
"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house
"I want new curtains" = and new carpeting, new furniture, new wallpaper, etc...
"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep
"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive
"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to like
"I'll be ready in a minute" = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
"Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful
"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me
"Was that the baby?" = Why don't you get out of bed and rock him until he falls asleep
Answering the question, "What's wrong?"
"...The same old thing" = Nothing
"...Everything" = My PMS is acting up
"...Nothing, really" = It's just that you're such a jerk

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiance thinks I'm a virgin. Is there anything you can do to help me?"
The doctor says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try. On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."
The woman loves this idea and knows her hubby to be will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man. Things begin to progress, her hubby "slips it in" and she snaps the elastic band.
The hubby asks, "What the heck was that?
The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity snapping."
The husband cries out, "Well snap it again, it's got my balls!"