Lets keep the WHOLE law!

NotThatKevin · 2004-01-28, 05:40 PM

I received this an email and had to post it here

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who
dispenses "advice" to people who call in to her radio
show.
Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew,
homosexuality is an abomination according to the Old
Testament, Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned
under any circumstance.

The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by
a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's
funny, as well as informative.

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people
regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from
your show, and try to share that knowledge with as
many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the

homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind
them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an
abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding
some of the other specific laws and how to follow
them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I
know it creates a pleasing smell for the Lord -
Leviticus 1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim
the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as
sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what
do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am not allowed to have contact with a
woman while she is in her period of menstrual
uncleanliness - Leviticus 15:19-24. The problem is,
how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women
take offense.

4. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may indeed possess
slaves, both male and female, provided they are
purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans but not
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the
Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states she should be put
to death. Am I morally obligated to kill her myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating
shellfish is an abomination - Leviticus 11:10, it is
lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree.
Can you settle this?

7. Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the
altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have
to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision
have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair cut,
including the hair around their temples, even though
this is expressly forbidden by the bible, in Leviticus
19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Leviticus 11:6-9 that touching the skin
of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play
football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19
by planting two different crops in the same field, as
does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of threads (cotton and polyester
blend). He also tends to curse a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the
whole town to stone them? - Leviticus 24:10-16.
Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private
family affair like we do with people who sleep with
their in-laws? Leviticus 20:14

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I
am confident you can help. Thank you again for
reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.

Your devoted fan,

Jim

Greenguy · 2004-01-28, 05:50 PM

AMEN

JanTM · 2004-01-28, 05:55 PM

*ROFLMAO*

Cleo · 2004-01-28, 05:56 PM

I have a sudden urge to sin.

Damn so many sins, so little time.

God |pissleft|

amber438 · 2004-01-28, 06:13 PM

That was priceless!!!!!!

bwahahaha...

DangerDave · 2004-01-28, 06:19 PM

Nice one.........

DD

spacemanspiff · 2004-01-28, 06:31 PM

Sounds like a blast. Where do I sign up?

Surfn · 2004-01-28, 06:47 PM

She's one of those people that reinvented themselves. In real life when she was young (before the radio gig) she was a hooker.

digifan · 2004-01-28, 11:49 PM

Great one Kevin!

SoSweet · 2004-01-29, 04:53 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by NotThatKevin

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19
by planting two different crops in the same field, as
does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of threads (cotton and polyester
blend). He also tends to curse a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the
whole town to stone them? - Leviticus 24:10-16.
Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private
family affair like we do with people who sleep with
their in-laws? Leviticus 20:14

Does this mean I can run around Naked now!?!?!?!?!?!?

Fonz · 2004-01-29, 05:23 AM

I've been asking myself those questions to for many years. Please let us know her answer Kevin |rasta|

urb · 2004-01-29, 05:39 AM

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is just out to get herself some media attention.

God didn't actually write the Bible. It was written by lots of people, one of them was obviously homophobic and had a few bad experiences with pork.

NotThatKevin · 2004-01-29, 09:05 AM

I would also love to know what her responce was

2004-01-28, 05:40 PM	#1
NotThatKevin Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Australia Posts: 155	Lets keep the WHOLE law! I received this an email and had to post it here Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses "advice" to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to the Old Testament, Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative. Dear Dr. Laura, Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them. 1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing smell for the Lord - Leviticus 1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? 3. I know that I am not allowed to have contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Leviticus 15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. 4. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? 5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states she should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill her myself? 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Leviticus 11:10, it is lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? 7. Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? 8. Most of my male friends get their hair cut, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by the bible, in Leviticus 19:27. How should they die? 9. I know from Leviticus 11:6-9 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? 10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of threads (cotton and polyester blend). He also tends to curse a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town to stone them? - Leviticus 24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? Leviticus 20:14 I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Your devoted fan, Jim __________________ <a href="http://www.pgbucks.com"><img src="http://www.pgbucks.com/images/pgbucks.jpg" width="120" height="60" border="0" align="left"></a><br><br><br> <a href="http://www.pgbucks.com">14 Paysites for One Great Price + FHG </a>

2004-01-28, 05:50 PM	#2
Greenguy The Original Greenguy (Est'd 1996) & AVN HOF Member - I Crop Pics For Thumbs In My Sleep Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Blasdell, NY (shithole suburb south of Buffalo) Posts: 41,766	AMEN __________________ Promote POV Porn Cash By Building & Submitting Galleries to the Porn Luv Network

2004-01-28, 05:55 PM	#3
JanTM Hello, is this President Clinton? Good! I figured if anyone knew where to get some tang it would be you Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Denmark Posts: 446	ROFLMAO __________________ Tittius Maximus - Retired

2004-01-28, 05:56 PM	#4
Cleo Subversive filth of the hedonistic decadent West Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Southeast Florida Posts: 27,936	I have a sudden urge to sin. Damn so many sins, so little time. God \|pissleft\| __________________ Free Rides on Uber and Lyft Uber Car: uberTzTerri Lyft Car: TZ896289

2004-01-28, 06:13 PM	#5
amber438 Whatever don't kill ya makes ya stronger... Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: New York Posts: 820	That was priceless!!!!!! bwahahaha... __________________ Red Hot Links Red Hot Galleries

2004-01-28, 06:19 PM	#6
DangerDave Bonged Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: BrisVegas, AUSTRALIA Posts: 4,882	Nice one......... DD __________________ Old Dollars >>>> Now with over 90 Hosted Free Sites <<<< DangerDave.com.au - Adult Links to Free Porn

2004-01-28, 06:31 PM	#7
spacemanspiff Where there's a will, I want to be in it. Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Looz-e-anna Posts: 1,015	Sounds like a blast. Where do I sign up? __________________ Submit your free sites to Free Sex Pics

2004-01-28, 06:47 PM	#8
Surfn If you don’t take a chance the Angels won’t dance Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Earth on occasion Posts: 8,812	She's one of those people that reinvented themselves. In real life when she was young (before the radio gig) she was a hooker.

2004-01-28, 11:49 PM	#9
digifan ...and since we know an end will come it makes our living so much fun Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: In your dreams, baby Posts: 3,835	Great one Kevin! __________________ Webair Rocks

2004-01-29, 05:23 AM	#11
Fonz Former pr0n slinger. Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Antwerp, Belgium Posts: 7,929	I've been asking myself those questions to for many years. Please let us know her answer Kevin \|rasta\| __________________ See how I abuse little trees on my Shumi no Bonsai Blog

2004-01-29, 05:39 AM	#12
urb All the way from Room 101 Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 3,557	Dr. Laura Schlessinger is just out to get herself some media attention. God didn't actually write the Bible. It was written by lots of people, one of them was obviously homophobic and had a few bad experiences with pork. __________________

2004-01-29, 09:05 AM	#13
NotThatKevin Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Australia Posts: 155	I would also love to know what her responce was __________________ <a href="http://www.pgbucks.com"><img src="http://www.pgbucks.com/images/pgbucks.jpg" width="120" height="60" border="0" align="left"></a><br><br><br> <a href="http://www.pgbucks.com">14 Paysites for One Great Price + FHG </a>