I turned my son in

[sue-fl]

Yep, I qualify for worst mother of the year! My 18year old has been messing up a lot. He was arrested in Jan. was lucky enough to be just facing probation. Well yesterday we noticed a lot of pot residue in our car that we gave to him. So we did a search in the car and found pot, a scale, baggies, pills ect. Confronted him and he said yes I'm selling it's great money...

So I called the police and they came to our house and took him. They cuffed him right in the dinning room, as my husband and I broke down and cried. If he has just been smoking pot, I wouldn't have done it, but he crossed the line by selling it. So he is in jail probably facing a pretty stiff sentence thanks to me.

We let him make his one mistake which he didn't learn from, he only seemed to get worse. I felt he was putting himself and my other two kids and my grandson in jeopardy. The cops talked to me for a long time and said I did the right thing. Said because they can see the love we have for him, they would help us in making sure he gets some help in prison. Which I hope he takes advantage of and decides to get his life on the right track.

It's called tough love, and it was the toughest thing I have ever done in my life. I have no idea why he turned out this way, we raised our kids well. The cops said that doesn't always matter, they see it all the time. I told him I was doing it because I love him, which I hope some day he realizes.

Thanks I needed to rant very badly I just feel like

[ponygirl]

oh Sue, that's so sad for you. As a mom, I really think you did the right thing. You're so right that using & selling are two different things, and who knows what might have happened to him if he kept on doing it. I'd rather see my son in jail than dead on the street because of the people he got mixed up with.

You're a good mom Sue, once they are old enough they make their own choices that have nothing to do with us. He's just lucky he has you to help him learn to make better choices.

much love to you & your family, I hope it all works out for the best.
*big hugs*

[Maj. Stress]

Originally Posted by sue-fl

Yep, I qualify for worst mother of the year!

Sue,
Good for you! You qualify for "Mother of the Year". I have nothing against adults smoking a little weed. But your son was about to get in over his head. After the "pissed off" is over and he spends a little time in jail, he will look at the world a little differently and hopefully thank you for stopping him before he got in over his head.

[Chop Smith]

Sue, thinking of you.

[Toby]

Originally Posted by Maj. Stress

Sue, Good for you! You qualify for "Mother of the Year".

I agree, you did the right thing even though it was also the toughest.

I have a cousin that would have benefitted from doing some time in prison in his late teens. Instead his parents did whatever they could to keep him out of jail. To thank them he stole cash and valuables from them, their neighbors, and anyone else he could find. Now he's a thirty-something deadbeat with no permanent address, no permanent job, and no real prospects of ever improving his situation.

[MrYum]

Oh Sue, what a horrible situation for you

It's so obvious how much you love your son...he'll realize that some day...hopefully soon.

Don't see an emoticon for hugs...so *BIG hugs*

[Bill]

I think you folks are crazy if you think turning in your kid is a good idea.

[ponygirl]

Originally Posted by Bill

I think you folks are crazy if you think turning in your kid is a good idea.

Regardless of what you think, a friend is going through a very hard time and made what I know was probably the most difficult decision of her life. I think this thread calls for support, not debate.

[pvtspanky]

I have no children. I understand most points made in this thread so far though. It had to be hard to do what you did. He's probably going to be in more trouble for the pills. Either way, if he continued on this path, he would have had to deal with the law eventually. Hopefully, he learns and grows...

[walrus]

Sue, I was in your son's position a large number of years ago. It took a life time....mine before I actually understood what my parents had done was absolutely the right thing...I only wish that I could have told them so.

[terry]

Good for you sue!

[sue-fl]

Originally Posted by Bill

I think you folks are crazy if you think turning in your kid is a good idea.

You know Bill it was the hardest thing I've ever done. But in my heart I know I did the right thing. My son is still a child at 18, he was not having any trouble flashing the money he was making. And I'm sure he had no idea who he was selling to. I saw him dead from a bad deal or dead from someone wanting his money. That I could not live with.

The rest of you I appreciate your support it means a lot. I did what I thought I had to do, and won't second guess myself. Thanks so much for your kind words

[Cleo]

Such sanctimoniousness behavior from someone that sells porn for a living.

Yeah this is just fucking wonderful.

Legal problems, jail, conviction record, is all so much better then selling a plant.

[Jim]

Sue
Weed is a funny thing. I used to smoke a lot of it as a kid until I was probably 25 or so. But, since then, it just makes me really stupid and paranoid. I always say, smoking weed is fine for Women and Kids but Men need to keep their wits about them I would much rather have my Children smoking weed than drinking. It's too bad they do both. I have to suspect that no woman ever woke up in the morning, looking to her side and seeing a man saying, "What the hell did I do last night?" Like women sometimes do after drinking too much. And most people that buy and even sell weed are a gentle sort. I really can't remember hearing of anyone getting killed for selling or buying weed. Even though I don't indulge, I know weed should be legal.

The pills are another thing. If he was selling pills, I can see calling the police if you are at the end of your rope.

To me, tough love would be getting an intervention specialist and letting your son know that either he stops or you will have nothing more to do with him. And, I know the threat of any of my kids losing their safety net is enough to get them to do or stop doing just about anything. For some reason, once someones child sees how their actions hurt the people they love, they seem to finally see what they are doing is wrong.

I have a child that had problems with pills and even liquid morphine. Once the kid found out that his/her parents were going to get a loan to send the kid to a very expensive rehab...that was the end of all of it.

Calling the police should only be a last resort. It will cause problems down the road with job prospects. As long as you know there is nothing else you could have done, you did the right thing. Only you know if there was anything else you could have done.

[docholly]

Just make sure you have money on his books.. and be prepared to support him when he gets out since he won't be able to get a more than minimum wage job for the next 20 or so years.

Originally Posted by Jim

I always say, smoking weed is fine for Women and Kids but Men need to keep their wits about them

Somewhere in my tired but goodhead I think i take issue with that but because it's July 11th i'll let you slide.

[Cleo]

Originally Posted by Jim

Sue
I always say, smoking weed is fine for Women and Kids but Men need to keep their wits about them

Jim I guess you are one of those that get paranoid when they indulge.

[sue-fl]

Originally Posted by Cleo

Such sanctimoniousness behavior from someone that sells porn for a living.

Yeah this is just fucking wonderful.

Legal problems, jail, conviction record, is all so much better then selling a plant.

What does selling porn have to do with it??? What I do is legal, I'm not going to get shot, I'm not hurting anyone else. It does not compare to selling pill, and pot, nowadays when someone will bump you off for ten bucks.

I have nothing against pot, I smoked it for many years and I'm fine. I have a problem with my child selling it. And selling it out of my house. So I guess you think I should have looked the other way, and grounded him, took the car away from him. Before I had him arrested I look for rehab, and any help. There is NOTHING for getting your child off pot because it is not additive. What is additive Cleo to a young man like him is the money.

So he will only get a minimun wage job...hell he was going to quit his job to only sell as the money is much better and easier. I saw the path he was heading for, I didn't do this on the spure of the moment. Talking and threating him did no good, sure I could have kept him home chained to his bed and that would have stopped him

A record and a minimun wage job, is a hell of a lot better than being six feet under because you pissed off your supplier or the wrong person.

Don't throw morals at me, you think because we are parents who do porn we should just let our kids do as they please??

[Jim]

I think I heard that on one of the Godfather movies. And, I don't think it was about smoking weed. it just pisses my wife off so I say it She does indulge really often. The only thing that stops her is when there is a chance for her to take her bike for a ride. She won't ride if she has smoked at all that day.

I do have to say though...if I have nothing important on my mind, I do enjoy a good joint every blue moon. I have probably smoked weed 5 times in the past 20 years. The problem is, I don't know if there is anything bothering me until I smoke So, I just assume go without. Most people seem to grow out of it for some reason.

[MrYum]

Originally Posted by ponygirl

Regardless of what you think, a friend is going through a very hard time and made what I know was probably the most difficult decision of her life. I think this thread calls for support, not debate.

Well said Ponygirl

Sue just made without doubt a heart wrenching decision. My personal opinion of that decision is irrelevant...what's important is that she's a well liked member of this community, and I support her as a friend

[JustRobert]

Sue,

My heart goes out to you. You had to make an extremely hard decision as a parent. I respect you for doing what you thought was best for your young adult.

It is so much better than the rest of the parents that look the other way and then blame their community, government, tv, internet, porn or anybody they can instead of taking responsibility as a parent. Parenting is a tough job!

Big Hugs go out to you!

[vmp22]

thanks for sharing that Sue.

although i dont have any kids and therefore cant completely know how painful that can be, i feel you did the right thing. i have a cousin who in high school was hanging around the wrong crowd and always getting in trouble. he got busted after high school and went to jail. after he came he was a completely different person (for the better).

he went back to school and got a job and he appreciated his family after that.

i hope this will be an inspiration for you and your family during those tough times.

[ecchi]

Sue - I spent about two years of my life as a manager of a video store in one of the worst areas of South London. Many of the kids there were doing things as bad or worse, neither the parents or the police did much to stop many of them. Talking to customers, all of them had stories to tell of people they knew who either ended up with 20 year or life sentenced, or ended up dead. The reason they ended up dead or spending most of their life in jail was because nothing scared them when they were young. The area is so rough that the police work on a "only arrest someone if it is really bad" policy, something liker 'dealing' they ignored. The parents did not care enough to do something about it, so the kids began to believe they were untouchable. The result was either getting killed by a rival, or eventually committing a crime that put them in jail for most of their life.

So don't you listen to anyone who tells you did a bad thing. Apart from anything else, you saved your kid's life. I have no idea how your son will react when this is over. I doubt if he will thank you at first. He may never forgive you. He may even never talk to you again. It will be hard for you, but always remember, you did the right thing for your son.

Those who are saying that they would never turn their kid in are saying that they think more of themselves than they do their kid. They are saying they would rather see their kid dead in a pool of blood than suffer the shame of being an informer. Don't listen to them.

My heart goes out to you because you are liable to have a hard time from your son. You are also liable to have a hard time from some of your friends. But always, always remember, you did the right thing for your son.

[karomesis]

While hindsight is always 20/20, I can tell you that depending on the amount he had on him, it may not even be a felony, it doesn't sound like he was at escobar level dealing, so he'll probably get a few months and probation, if that.

what's more important is how HE deals with the aftermath, does he change his attitude? or continue in folly? When life gives you lemons....plant some seeds and start an orchard.....grow them to maturity......and bring the orchard public in an IPO



I teach my kids the worst thing you can say is.......I can't. You make yourself a failure before you even start.

[Tommy]

I feel really sorry for you Sue

you seem like a good person but i have to agree with the others

but I do respect your decision

I have never done any drugs
never tried pot at all

but I would have never offered my children up to the police
no matter what they did

[Zee]

Sue I can really feel for you guys. I have a daughter that's 24 and will be off parole when she's in her early forties if she doesn't F*@# up again. Tough love now is better than tough love later. She started out selling baggies which I though was no big deal when her snowball finally petered out it cost thousands to keep the little dummy from being charged with racketeering. A little scare in the beginning would have probably made her act differently later on. Her life is pretty well shot and at a very early age. I hope you intervened in time. My thoughts are with you.
Zee