Hi AliMeBitch,
I think JoeBlack put things really well in his reply post. I liked his tip on searching for a top listed link site in a given niche. I've done it before but never really considered why it was important.
The more you build and write ad copy the better you will become at selling the sizzle. I've found that I have better luck selling some sponsors than I do others. It's just something else you'll find as you build more sites.
SE traffic is a great thing but you should make sure you're getting the right traffic for your sponsors. Take your sponsors tour, write ad copy that works with the tour and work SE keywords that are relevant. Spend some time at
http://inventory.overture.com/d/sear...ry/suggestion/ and get some idea as to what people are searching for in the bondage niche.
I would say always go with bought content and paid hosting for the reasons JoeBlack stated and that it shows a level of investment in your business.
Give yourself some time and keep trying new things and asking questions. In no time you'll have a list of things that work for you and, an equally as important, list of things that don't work for you.
Regards,
SF