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Kim,
I'm a total newbie to the biz. If you're really dead serious you'd hire a consultant who takes to your site and has success in this industry. A track record.
Let me ask this:
What are some specific goals of the site? Short term and long term? Are you trying to compete with the big boys like sex.com?
What is your marketing budget in order to reach the goals of the site?
A year from now, how do you and your team envision the site?
If money isn't the primary goal then the 'ethical' aspects are and those are personal based on your group.
Regardless, you need to market your ass off. If anything, launch an AdWords campaign *just* to jump start your forum.
If you can get your site sticky this will help a lot.
In particular, if you can get like minded people to join your forum they can spread the word, slap links around, etc...
In the end, since the ultimate goals of your site are psychologically based your victory will be personal and only you will know when you have victory.
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