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From the site: "Ow my god guys. I never expected this to happen to me. I was walking trough the park and I noticed some movement beyond the trees so I decided to check it out...."
Why would anybody in their right mind investigate movement beyond the trees in the park? Most people would run away...
Anyway, try not to speak about yourself in your sales pitch.
Here's your text with customer-first context: "Have you ever seen a fucking hot couple having sex in the park? I give you FREE pics of people doing just that! If you want more go to my paysite, AND if you join it today you get amazing discount of $XX (usually I charge $YY). CLICK HERE NOW!"
If you focus on your customers and on what you can do for them, you'll do much better.
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