Hi tigermom.
If a link list has gay niche categories (gay twinks, gay hardcore, ethnic gay, etc.), then I'd submit your sites to those. If they only have a gay category, then that's where you'd submit your sites. For instance, on one of my link lists I have gay niche categories but on the other, just a gay page of links. I for one would love to have regular, quality submits to my gay categories!
