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I wouldn't worry to much about it. Google posts their rules, and it's pretty easy to tell if you're breaking any. To my knowledge, there is no proof that doing a true reciprocal link exchange is any worse than having your site A link to someone else's site B which in turn links back to your site C.
I think the best rule of thumb is to do as many good, honest link exchanges as you can and let Google sort'em out. This mentality has always worked well for us.
I hope this helps.
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