~wipes eyes, heart tugged upon~
Like Cleo, I was sitting right in front of the monitor. I was in a chat room, and one of the regulars came on saying a plane had hit one of the towers. It was so early into the attack right then, that no one in the room really grasped what was happening. I had to leave just a couple of minutes after that for a very quick trip to the dentist.
As I sat in his chair, neither of us said a word, listening to the radio. The growing sense of dread was almost...palatable. He checked what he needed to, and I was out of there, and flew the handful of blocks back home. I was sitting on my couch watching when the second plane hit. Then I was glued to the TV up until the afternoon.
I was in school then, and I had a logic and design class. I called the school, and classes were still in session. So I made the 30 some mile trip. I was afraid of getting behind in the class. When I pulled onto campus, the sight of the flag flying just broke me. Cried the first tears then. And also marched into my class, and informed my professor and everyone else that we weren't starting anything until that flag came down to half mast. I don't know why it was just an instant and complete obsession, but it was. I was allowed to present my feelings to the Dean, and he saw that the groundspeople lowered it.
The drive home was totally surreal. One gas station had a line of cars over a mile long. The trip that normally took 45 minutes or so took close to 2 hours. People were just everywhere...like lost damned children, waiting on somone to make it better.
I was anxious to get my boys with me. That was all I cared about. Getting them with me and keeping them safe. I live 12 miles away from an inland Navy base that is considered a target by some. The odds are likely against anything ever happening there, but that day changed all my basis for comparison. I just knew that if we were going to die, we were going to die together.
As soon as I got them from their school, I came home and turned on CNN, where they were showing the endless replays. My youngest was 5 then, and he thought that every time they showed a replay, another plane was hitting. So I turned it off, and we've never watched news in this house since when he is awake.
As I just told a new friend in Q, if there was any silver lining to that cloud that is so dark...it is that overall, I have a different perspective. Hell, I'm not perfect, and I still lose it over stupid things sometimes.
But sometimes I am able to catch myself, when I start to get irritated by this or that, or start to feel sorry for myself, or whatever. And I look at faded and tattered red, white and blue ribbons fluttering on my front porch, and at the sign in my yard supporting our troops...and I say thank you to those that helped me gain perspective through their own tragic deaths.
And when I am, I remember what is really important in my life, and how lucky I am to have those things. Things in the form of two sons.
Thanks, Greenie. This thread is so fucking painfully, yet helpful at the same time. You gave us a place to articulate what we are feeling today.
~hugs~