You'll find that while every link list owner has certain preferences and pet peeves, you can tune a site to be accepted by about 90%-95% of link lists and still have plenty of room for creative design and good sales.
As a link list gets bigger you generally see more rules, since submissions run high and the owner can afford to be more strict, thus increasing the quality of the sites they list, because there is more competition for listings.
The main reason for this is to keep the surfers happy and keep them coming back to the link list. That's why most of us are so paranoid about making sure the sites we list aren't misleading surfers. For example, if I have a bookmarked surfer who shows up to my site on a regular basis to surf some porn, and he suddenly hits a run of sites on Fetish Philes that are full of popups, misleading links and other BS, he's going to stop visiting MY site...thus taking perfectly good traffic away from every site I list.
Greenguy's rules on link-o-rama are a good baseline. Link-o-rama is one of the biggest and baddest link lists around, and if you follow his rules you'll be inside the lines for most link lists. It's still important to read the rules of every list you submit to, but if you build your sites wisely you'll find that you can mirror them and submit the same site to dozens (sometimes hundreds) of different link lists without changing a thing.
Welcome to the mad, mad, mad, mad world of the adult biz!
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