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Old 2004-10-18, 08:54 PM   #1
MadMax
"Without evil there can be no good, so it must be good to be evil sometimes" ~ Satan
 
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Motor City, baby, where carjacking was invented! Now GIMME THOSE SHOES!
Posts: 2,385
You've got a lot of sales text on some of those sites, too much IMO. You want the surfer off your page and onto your sponsor's as quickly as humanly possible. A couple lines of well constructed sales text will do that, but a couple paragraphs will keep them reading.

Also, it's obvious to me from reading the sales text that English isn't your first language. There's nothing wrong with that, but the text just doesn't flow. If you shorten up what you're saying it will be easier to get yourself text that will sell.

Just my 2 cents, and I'm no guru.
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