Funny

soggy · 2004-03-01, 12:01 AM

SOCIALIST Country:
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST Country.
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. It is expensive and sour.

ENRON Corporation.
You have two cows. You sell one and then lease it back to yourself, and do an Initial Public Offering (IPO) on the 2nd cow. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin a news release to the analysts, who are making a market in your stock, stating that you have down-sized, and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH Corporation.
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.

JAPANESE Corporation.
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow, and produce ten times as much milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their cow classes.

GERMAN Corporation.
You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, and give excellent quality milk, and run 100 miles per hour. Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation each year.

ITALIAN Corporation.
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. While ambling about, you meet a beautiful woman. You go to lunch. Life is good.

RUSSIAN Corporation.
You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them, and to your surprise, you now have four cows. You have some more vodka. Again you count them, and learn you now have eight cows. The Mafia arrives and takes over, regardless of how many cows you have.

IRAQI Corporation.
You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio recordings of their mooing.

POLISH Corporation.
You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed trying to milk them.

CALIFORNIA Corporation.
You have a cow and a bull. The bull is depressed. It has spent its life living a lie. It goes away for two weeks. It comes back with a tax-payer-paid sex-change operation. You now have two cows. One gives milk, the other one doesn't. You try to sell the trans-gender cow. Its lawyer sues you for discrimination. You lose in court. You sell the milk-producing cow to pay the damages. You now have one rich, trans-gender, non-milk-producing cow. You change your business to beef. PETA pickets your farm. Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your drive-way. Cruz Bustamonte calls for higher farm taxes to help working cows. Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico. The Los Angeles Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats. You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations. The Los Angeles Times analysts write a scurrilous story showing that your business failure was Bush's fault.

2004-03-01, 12:01 AM	#1
soggy If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Florida Panhandle Posts: 304	Funny SOCIALIST Country: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. COMMUNIST Country. You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. It is expensive and sour. ENRON Corporation. You have two cows. You sell one and then lease it back to yourself, and do an Initial Public Offering (IPO) on the 2nd cow. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin a news release to the analysts, who are making a market in your stock, stating that you have down-sized, and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up. FRENCH Corporation. You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good. JAPANESE Corporation. You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow, and produce ten times as much milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their cow classes. GERMAN Corporation. You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, and give excellent quality milk, and run 100 miles per hour. Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation each year. ITALIAN Corporation. You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. While ambling about, you meet a beautiful woman. You go to lunch. Life is good. RUSSIAN Corporation. You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them, and to your surprise, you now have four cows. You have some more vodka. Again you count them, and learn you now have eight cows. The Mafia arrives and takes over, regardless of how many cows you have. IRAQI Corporation. You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio recordings of their mooing. POLISH Corporation. You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed trying to milk them. CALIFORNIA Corporation. You have a cow and a bull. The bull is depressed. It has spent its life living a lie. It goes away for two weeks. It comes back with a tax-payer-paid sex-change operation. You now have two cows. One gives milk, the other one doesn't. You try to sell the trans-gender cow. Its lawyer sues you for discrimination. You lose in court. You sell the milk-producing cow to pay the damages. You now have one rich, trans-gender, non-milk-producing cow. You change your business to beef. PETA pickets your farm. Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your drive-way. Cruz Bustamonte calls for higher farm taxes to help working cows. Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico. The Los Angeles Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats. You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations. The Los Angeles Times analysts write a scurrilous story showing that your business failure was Bush's fault.