Who will admit that they jack to porn before and after they were a webmaster ? - Page 2

Useless · 2004-12-15, 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ClubProCafe
Dude, I have to clean my monitor daily...
and I had to replace my keyboard a couple months ago...
...and my mouse, whoah, I won't even go there....

What up Lawrence? You still get excited thinking about Lanni Barbie banging you in the ass?

T Pat · 2004-12-15, 11:45 PM

Ok Plateman since you and I started in this biz about the same time I'll give ya a wanking story. (it's kind of long but I think you will get a laugh)
The summer I turned 14 I had to much time on my hands (no job, no school no girlfriend and only 3 channels to watch on black and white TV) I was spanking my monkey allot (5 or more times a day). I get the brilliant idea to see how long it will take me to fill a alkaseltzer bottle up with cum
(remember the Alkaseltzer bottles that were a long glass tube? plop plop fizz fizz). After filling my bottle up a couple inches I get in a big fight with my Dad and I storm out of the house and head to a buddies.
After a long talk with my friends (who all agreed with me that life sucked and my father was a fucker) We hatch the plan. Pat's going to run away from home go up to Big Sur join a hippy commune and when I'm settled in my buddies would run away and join me, life would be good (1968 the height of the free love hippy era)
My buddies realy came through for me, I ended up with a backpack several changes of cloths, sleeping bag, pup tent, food $40 plus dollars one of my buddies stole his fathers motorcycle to give me a lift 20 miles to Hwy.1 (Big Sur would be a straight shot hitch hiking from there) I get a ride to Cambria the last town before Big Sur the second I put my thumb out.
It's dark by the time I get dropped off in Cambria barely any cars so I start walking towards Big Sur,I would stick my thumb out every time a car came by, well bigger than shit I hitch hiked a Sheriffs Patrol Car, they hauled my ass to San Luis Obispo and put me in a jail cell to wait for the old man (the old man had been a deputy for 6 years and was pulling in a favors from his deputy buddies they thought a few hours in a jail cell would teach me a lesson)

The old man was pissed when he showed up, said "I'd rather see you in jail than worry about you getting killed hitch hiking" my reply to that was "I'd rather be in jail than living with you". He told the Balif to keep me and left, the next morning the Balif asked me if I was ready to see things my Dads way I said "no" so they transferred me to Juvenile Hall. I was locked in solitary confinement for 3 days on the 4th day the old man showed up asked if I was ready to live by his rules I told him "no I'm fine right here" he left and I was put back into solitary confinement (nothing to do in solitary confinement but jack off and scratch my name into the wall with the buttons and grommets on my Levis). I went through this routine 3 days locked up wackin and scrathcin, 1 day with all the other kids the old man would come by ask if I was ready I'd say "no" be would leave and it would be back to lockup for me. I lasted for a month and a half before I caved in and said I would live by his rules (I had no choice the buttons on my Levis were so worn down it was hard keeping my pants up)
All the old man said on the way home was "your mother and I are going to have a talk with you when we get home and your going to live by our goddamned rules or go back"
So we get back home I go straight to my room and my parents follow me up shortly to give me hell and they were doing a good job. My Mom decides the reason I'm spending so much time upstairs in my room is because I'm on drugs and she starts searching first place she looks is under my mattress, She finds my playboy stash (they don't say much about this except what the fuck am I doing going through my dads nightstand). Then I remember whats in my nightstand and panic when she opens the drawer and pushed her away (the old man damned near put my head through the wall over that). She finds my Alkaseltzer bottle "what's this" I'm playing dumb "I don't know" She's not buying it "bull shit" She says to my father "Gene I think it's LSD" I say "I've never seen it before maybe it's Mikes" (blame it on the brother), Dad says let me see that, he has a hard time unscrewing the cap when he finale gets it loosened it started hissing and filled my room with a putrid make you want to gag smell (that shit had been cooking and fermenting unopened for 6 weeks) Dad starts freaking "what the hell is this".
I finale admitted to my parents that I was collecting cum, I do beleave that's the hardest I've ever seen my parents laugh, it's the only time I ever saw both of them laugh so hard tears were streaming down their faces.
It's also the last time I admitted to wackin
|rasta|

Greenguy · 2004-12-16, 08:53 AM

That's fucking funny!!!!!

MrMaryLou · 2004-12-16, 09:04 AM

Pat thats a classic

pornoking · 2004-12-16, 09:16 AM

Pat, thanks for the story, that was a good laugh

docholly · 2004-12-16, 09:27 AM

*wiping the coffee off my screen*.. OMG that was funny..

Useless · 2004-12-16, 09:51 AM

Oh my gawd! You filthy little bugger.

Mandimorgan · 2004-12-16, 07:33 PM

omg thats hysterical...gross but hysterical.

tiny · 2004-12-16, 08:13 PM

TP you were suppose to freeze it hahaha

Chop Smith · 2004-12-16, 08:14 PM

Pat, that is some funny shit.

At least wackin got your mind off of Gabbo. Wonder if Gabbo wacks off?

swedguy · 2004-12-16, 09:09 PM

God damned hilarious. Thanks for sharing

Ms Naughty · 2004-12-16, 10:03 PM

Best. Masturbation. Story. Ever

GunnCat · 2004-12-17, 06:40 AM

Gee wiz! Jerkin the gherkin to porn!? Now who would have thought of that?|ufo|
btw, that's a big 10-4 buddy.

Useless · 2004-12-17, 08:33 AM

After reading that yesterday, I called my 65 year old father and read it to him. He loved it too.

I just hope that the dangers of fermenting cum doesn't reach Al K*ida, or we're all doomed.

T Pat · 2004-12-17, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Useless Warrior
After reading that yesterday, I called my 65 year old father and read it to him. He loved it too.

I just hope that the dangers of fermenting cum doesn't reach Al K*ida, or we're all doomed.

LOL I called my Dad and read the story to him yesterday too. He told me he waited untill I was in my 30's but he's been telling my fermenting jizz story every since

|doh|

Alphawolf · 2004-12-17, 07:22 PM

Pat,

ngb1959 · 2004-12-18, 05:31 AM

WildChyld · 2004-12-20, 12:18 AM

i used to be into porn before my site. Then after a while i noticed that I started thinking of lighting, directing, asshole boyfriends following girls around, etc evertime I saw a movie with anyone who I had met.

Now I just masturbate to stories instead. No lighting in stories....er...at least i hope not

GunnCat · 2004-12-20, 11:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by WildChyld
i used to be into porn before my site. Then after a while i noticed that I started thinking of lighting, directing, asshole boyfriends following girls around, etc evertime I saw a movie with anyone who I had met.

Now I just masturbate to stories instead. No lighting in stories....er...at least i hope not

Erotica is cool. You Herotica is even cooler |rasta|

2004-12-15, 11:45 PM	#27
T Pat You can now put whatever you want in this space :) Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Paridise Posts: 3,244	Ok Plateman since you and I started in this biz about the same time I'll give ya a wanking story. (it's kind of long but I think you will get a laugh) The summer I turned 14 I had to much time on my hands (no job, no school no girlfriend and only 3 channels to watch on black and white TV) I was spanking my monkey allot (5 or more times a day). I get the brilliant idea to see how long it will take me to fill a alkaseltzer bottle up with cum (remember the Alkaseltzer bottles that were a long glass tube? plop plop fizz fizz). After filling my bottle up a couple inches I get in a big fight with my Dad and I storm out of the house and head to a buddies. After a long talk with my friends (who all agreed with me that life sucked and my father was a fucker) We hatch the plan. Pat's going to run away from home go up to Big Sur join a hippy commune and when I'm settled in my buddies would run away and join me, life would be good (1968 the height of the free love hippy era) My buddies realy came through for me, I ended up with a backpack several changes of cloths, sleeping bag, pup tent, food $40 plus dollars one of my buddies stole his fathers motorcycle to give me a lift 20 miles to Hwy.1 (Big Sur would be a straight shot hitch hiking from there) I get a ride to Cambria the last town before Big Sur the second I put my thumb out. It's dark by the time I get dropped off in Cambria barely any cars so I start walking towards Big Sur,I would stick my thumb out every time a car came by, well bigger than shit I hitch hiked a Sheriffs Patrol Car, they hauled my ass to San Luis Obispo and put me in a jail cell to wait for the old man (the old man had been a deputy for 6 years and was pulling in a favors from his deputy buddies they thought a few hours in a jail cell would teach me a lesson) The old man was pissed when he showed up, said "I'd rather see you in jail than worry about you getting killed hitch hiking" my reply to that was "I'd rather be in jail than living with you". He told the Balif to keep me and left, the next morning the Balif asked me if I was ready to see things my Dads way I said "no" so they transferred me to Juvenile Hall. I was locked in solitary confinement for 3 days on the 4th day the old man showed up asked if I was ready to live by his rules I told him "no I'm fine right here" he left and I was put back into solitary confinement (nothing to do in solitary confinement but jack off and scratch my name into the wall with the buttons and grommets on my Levis). I went through this routine 3 days locked up wackin and scrathcin, 1 day with all the other kids the old man would come by ask if I was ready I'd say "no" be would leave and it would be back to lockup for me. I lasted for a month and a half before I caved in and said I would live by his rules (I had no choice the buttons on my Levis were so worn down it was hard keeping my pants up) All the old man said on the way home was "your mother and I are going to have a talk with you when we get home and your going to live by our goddamned rules or go back" So we get back home I go straight to my room and my parents follow me up shortly to give me hell and they were doing a good job. My Mom decides the reason I'm spending so much time upstairs in my room is because I'm on drugs and she starts searching first place she looks is under my mattress, She finds my playboy stash (they don't say much about this except what the fuck am I doing going through my dads nightstand). Then I remember whats in my nightstand and panic when she opens the drawer and pushed her away (the old man damned near put my head through the wall over that). She finds my Alkaseltzer bottle "what's this" I'm playing dumb "I don't know" She's not buying it "bull shit" She says to my father "Gene I think it's LSD" I say "I've never seen it before maybe it's Mikes" (blame it on the brother), Dad says let me see that, he has a hard time unscrewing the cap when he finale gets it loosened it started hissing and filled my room with a putrid make you want to gag smell (that shit had been cooking and fermenting unopened for 6 weeks) Dad starts freaking "what the hell is this". I finale admitted to my parents that I was collecting cum, I do beleave that's the hardest I've ever seen my parents laugh, it's the only time I ever saw both of them laugh so hard tears were streaming down their faces. It's also the last time I admitted to wackin \|rasta\| __________________ How To Keep An Asshole In Suspense I'll Tell You Later

2004-12-16, 08:53 AM	#28
Greenguy The Original Greenguy (Est'd 1996) & AVN HOF Member - I Crop Pics For Thumbs In My Sleep Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Blasdell, NY (shithole suburb south of Buffalo) Posts: 41,929	That's fucking funny!!!!! __________________ Promote POV Porn Cash By Building & Submitting Galleries to the Porn Luv Network

2004-12-16, 09:04 AM	#29
MrMaryLou i fucking told i type to fucking fast wtf Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: New York Posts: 11,247	Pat thats a classic __________________ <a href="http://www.greenguysboard.com/onthebench/">Join Me For On The Bench </a>

2004-12-16, 09:16 AM	#30
pornoking Heh Heh Heh! Lisa! Vampires are make believe, just like elves and gremlins and eskimos! Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Odense, Denmark Posts: 77	Pat, thanks for the story, that was a good laugh __________________ Pornoking's Hard Link Exchange Central

2004-12-16, 09:27 AM	#31
docholly Nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Sin-City USA Posts: 4,973	wiping the coffee off my screen.. OMG that was funny.. __________________ Support Indie Porn Sites OMGoddess You know you need some Bling!!

2004-12-16, 09:51 AM	#32
Useless Certified Nice Person Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Dirty Undies, NY Posts: 11,268	Oh my gawd! You filthy little bugger. __________________ Click here to purchase a bridge I'm selling.

2004-12-16, 07:33 PM	#33
Mandimorgan Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 27	omg thats hysterical...gross but hysterical.

2004-12-16, 08:13 PM	#34
tiny Hello, is this President Clinton? Good! I figured if anyone knew where to get some tang it would be you Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: maine Posts: 447	TP you were suppose to freeze it hahaha

2004-12-16, 08:14 PM	#35
Chop Smith Eighteen 'til I Die Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Mississippi Posts: 2,168	Pat, that is some funny shit. At least wackin got your mind off of Gabbo. Wonder if Gabbo wacks off? __________________

2004-12-16, 09:09 PM	#36
swedguy Vagabond Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 2,374	God damned hilarious. Thanks for sharing

2004-12-16, 10:03 PM	#37
Ms Naughty old enough to be Grandma Scrotum Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Australia Posts: 1,408	Best. Masturbation. Story. Ever __________________ Promote Bright Desire

2004-12-17, 06:40 AM	#38
GunnCat You can now put whatever you want in this space :) Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 547	Gee wiz! Jerkin the gherkin to porn!? Now who would have thought of that?\|ufo\| btw, that's a big 10-4 buddy.

2004-12-17, 08:33 AM	#39
Useless Certified Nice Person Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Dirty Undies, NY Posts: 11,268	After reading that yesterday, I called my 65 year old father and read it to him. He loved it too. I just hope that the dangers of fermenting cum doesn't reach Al K*ida, or we're all doomed. __________________ Click here to purchase a bridge I'm selling.

2004-12-17, 07:22 PM	#41
Alphawolf Don't come to Florida for vacation. We're closed. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Orlando, Florida Posts: 1,874	Pat, __________________ Regards, AW Weekly Pay. Sites That Convert. Start Pimpin' Today!

2004-12-18, 05:31 AM	#42
ngb1959 Oh no, I'm sweating like Roger Ebert Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: In A Box, A Big Old Box Posts: 501	__________________ Ubuymenow Internet Shopping Dreamypleasures Free Porn

2004-12-20, 12:18 AM	#43
WildChyld WHO IS FONZY!?! Don't they teach you anything at school? Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Berkeley California Posts: 49	i used to be into porn before my site. Then after a while i noticed that I started thinking of lighting, directing, asshole boyfriends following girls around, etc evertime I saw a movie with anyone who I had met. Now I just masturbate to stories instead. No lighting in stories....er...at least i hope not