allright , is my free site ok now ?

juggernaut · 2005-08-19, 11:49 AM

Yeah, I'm still new at this but from reading your site, either your english teacher really did not care, or you have not made it up to HS level english yet. You have commas where there should not be any which is making your sentences very hard to read. If your language is not english then I would ask someone for help.

"One Guy and a video camera and his mission , too find the most fresh teens he can and get them naked on video fucking him ,anyway possible , be it promising to make the famous or paying them a little cash every chick has there price."

Im a terrible person to comment on spelling and grammer, etc. But I know when I read something if it makes sence. I would word this something like this.
"One guy and a video camera. His mission? To find every chick (change as needed, bitch, whore, slut, etc) he can and see how much they will do on camera for money. Using every tactic he can, promising fame, fortune and just out right lieing. He gets these chicks naked, sucking and fucking. The more he lies the more holes open up."

I would also remove all the GG recips. I would think 1 is enough for that page but you have 9 of the exact same one. Leave one and get others, it will make the page look more professional. Sorry GG

but thats true. I look at peoples site from a surfers point of view as I'm by far not a pro here and seriously I would just go one page in and not bother downloading that content as it's been used a zillion times over, everyone knows the outcome with that girl already. I think she just lays there and dont do much but make a face when she gets a load on it. Just my opinon.

2005-08-19, 11:49 AM	#15
juggernaut Registered User Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Central Jersey! If I was rich and powerful I would dress as my avatar does. Posts: 1,448	Yeah, I'm still new at this but from reading your site, either your english teacher really did not care, or you have not made it up to HS level english yet. You have commas where there should not be any which is making your sentences very hard to read. If your language is not english then I would ask someone for help. "One Guy and a video camera and his mission , too find the most fresh teens he can and get them naked on video fucking him ,anyway possible , be it promising to make the famous or paying them a little cash every chick has there price." Im a terrible person to comment on spelling and grammer, etc. But I know when I read something if it makes sence. I would word this something like this. "One guy and a video camera. His mission? To find every chick (change as needed, bitch, whore, slut, etc) he can and see how much they will do on camera for money. Using every tactic he can, promising fame, fortune and just out right lieing. He gets these chicks naked, sucking and fucking. The more he lies the more holes open up." I would also remove all the GG recips. I would think 1 is enough for that page but you have 9 of the exact same one. Leave one and get others, it will make the page look more professional. Sorry GG but thats true. I look at peoples site from a surfers point of view as I'm by far not a pro here and seriously I would just go one page in and not bother downloading that content as it's been used a zillion times over, everyone knows the outcome with that girl already. I think she just lays there and dont do much but make a face when she gets a load on it. Just my opinon.