Thursday 6th November - Yesterday Britain Celebrated Terrorism And The Murder Of Cats.

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Last night in Britain the air was filled with loud bangs and the sky filled with fire, as we blew up over a billion dollars worth of fireworks to celebrate the glories of terrorism, and lit millions of bonfires to commemorate the day hundreds of thousands of cats were murdered for entertainment.

You see, on the 5th of November 1605 a group of Christians angry at laws being passed against Christianity, tried to blow up both the king and the entire government. They nearly succeeded, and every year since we have celebrated this act of terrorism by blowing up huge quantities of gunpowder in the form of fireworks!

The lead conspirator, Guy Fawkes was tortured to force him to reveal the names of his co-conspirators, and afterwards people celebrated by burning sacks of cats, because their desperate mewing as they died sounded like the screams of pain of Guy Fawkes, as he was tortured.

Today we don't burn cars, but to commemorate the "cat massacre" we still burn a sack of straw, or similar stuff, dressed up to look like Guy Fawkes.

And as it was a Catholic plot, we also used to burn an effigy of the Pope too!

November the 5th is still our third biggest public celebration of the year (beaten only by Christmas and New Year's Eve).

Sometimes I am so proud to be British!