Gmail invite - who wants it?

[cloudsix]

You savvy webmasters at GG&J certainly have had a chance at gmail by now (why any of us would need another email account I don't know) but there is some serious buzz around the net about getting one of these gmail accounts (gmail is still in beta until I think August and you need to be *invited* to get set up).
I thought as sort of a thank you for the ton of information I have learned lurking here , and getting my first free site listed recently due to that knowledge, I would pass on this invitation to the board members. But I don't know who to give it to, nor who even wants one.

So here is the deal - If you want gmail, or just want to lock in a goodusername@gmail.com while they are still available - How about this: post a funny webmaster antidote and I will send the gmail invitation to the most entertaining post. Could be a joke, haiku, SEO story, coding comment line, worst client scenario, poor conversion ratios - whatever you want.

The post that makes me laugh the hardest gets the gmail. If there is a majority of posters commenting that someones' post was the best, then that is who I will go with.

Fine print = obviously this is subjective. I only have one gmail to give away. This is a real and not spam. If there is a tie, I will flip a coin I will need a working email address to send this to. If you already have gmail and just need another invite, well, that is all good too. If you don’t even want gmail but put up the most entertaining post you can choose who gets the invite. I will announce the most entertaining post in a couple days depending on how many posters there are; it is the start of the weekend here in Cali so I will wait until this Monday night at the latest. If there are no posts I will turn around, put my tail in-between my legs, and run back into lurk mode.

BTW, thanks GG&J and posters for all the fantastic info

[cloudsix]

Ok - so no one wants to write something funnay - how bout this:

Just be the first one to post in this thread that you want it and you can have it.

1. Post here so that I know who you are.
2. Email me so that I can reply with your invite:
8008135 a.t. gmail.com or if you prefer just post your email addy here and I will shoot it over to you.

Someone here must want this? If nothing else go sell it on ebay for 20 bucks…

[soggy]

Ill even send you some coffee for it. Please send me the invite! Ive been looking for one.


soggy

ffgeeks at yahoo.com

[Opti]

was a nice idea.. you should have held out a bit longer!

[cloudsix]

Invite sent soggy.
Don't wait too long to activate it though - it will automatically expire in a few (several) days. Can never have too much coffay!

Opti - thanks for the props!

[DangerDave]

Ummm I dont understand? why am I meant to "want" this?

DD

[soggy]

Originally posted by DangerDave
Ummm I dont understand? why am I meant to "want" this?

DD

DD, I update the news on a fantasy football news site and get google news alerts sent on stories. It helps having an email account like this to have all the alerts sent to it. Thats the only thing ill use it for to keep things separate from my main email account.

soggy

[digifan]

Hmm.. if it is not too late, can i get one please?

Here are a few funny jokes, stories for you:

A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake. He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?"
She can't hear him and shouts back, "What? The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion. The wife is not sure and says, "What?" The man repeats his gestures. The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and fiinally to her crotch. Well, there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one. Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her "What in the hell was that?"She replies, "EYE- LEFT TIT -
BEHIND - THE BUSH!"

[digifan]

Must post in parts.. tried to do in one round but it was rejected for being too long..

That's a funny quiz.

What's Your Tree?? Does it fit you??

What Tree Did You Fall From?

Scroll down for the description based on your date of birth. They seem to fit.....

Jan 01 - Jan 11 Fir Tree
Jan 12 - Jan 24 Elm Tree
Jan 25 - Feb 03 Cypress Tree
Feb 04 - Feb 08 Poplar Tree
Feb 09 - Feb 18 Cedar Tree
Feb 19 - Feb 28 Pine Tree
Mar 01 - Mar 10 Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 - Mar 20 Lime Tree
Mar 21 Oak Tree
Mar 22 - Mar 31 Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 - Apr 10 Rowan Tree
Apr 11 - Apr 20 Maple Tree
Apr 21 - Apr 30 Walnut Tree
May 01 - May 14 Poplar Tree
May 15 - May 24 Chestnut Tree
May 25 - Jun 03 Ash Tree
Jun 04 - Jun 13 Hornbeam Tree
Jun 14 - Jun 23 Fig Tree
Jun 24 - Birch Tree
Jun 25 - Jul 04 Apple Tree
Jul 05 - Jul 14 Fir Tree
Jul 15 - Jul 25 Elm Tree
Jul 26 - Aug 04 Cypress Tree
Aug 05 - Aug 13 Poplar Tree
Aug 14 - Aug 23 Cedar Tree
Aug 24 - Sep 02 Pine Tree
Sep 03 - Sep 12 Weeping Willow Tree
Sep 13 - Sep 22 Lime Tree
Sep 23 - Olive Tree
Sep 24 - Oct 03 Hazelnut Tree
Oct 04 - Oct 13 Rowan Tree
Oct 14 - Oct 23 Maple Tree
Oct 24 - Nov 11 Walnut Tree
Nov 12 - Nov 21 Chestnut Tree
Nov 22 - Dec 01 Ash Tree
Dec 02 - Dec 11 Hornbeam Tree
Dec 12 - Dec 21 Fig Tree
Dec 22 - Beech Tree
Dec 23 - Dec 31 Apple Tree

APPLE TREE (the Love) -- of slight build, lots of charm, appeal, andattraction, pleasant aura, flirtatious, adventurous, sensitive, always in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, scientific talents, lives for today, a carefree philosopher with imagination.

ASH TREE (the Ambition) -- uncommonly attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be egotistic, very reliable and trustworthy, faithful and prudent lover, sometimes brains rule over the heart, but takes partnership very seriously.

BEECH TREE (the Creative) -- has good taste, concerned about its looks, materialistic, good organization of life and career, economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.)

BIRCH TREE (the inspiration) -- vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly, unpretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.

CEDAR TREE (the Confidence) -- of rare beauty, knows how to adapt, likes
luxury, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to look down onothers, self-confident, determined, impatient, likes to impress others, many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waiting for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.

CHESTNUT TREE (the Honesty) -- of unusual beauty, does not want to impress, well-developed sense of justice, vivacious, interested, a born diplomat, but irritates easily and sensitive in company, often due to a lack of self confidence, acts sometimes superior, feels not understood, loves only once, has difficulties in finding a partner.

CYPRESS TREE (the Faithfulness) -- strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give, content, optimistic, craves one and acknowledgment, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered, unruly, pedantic, and careless.

ELM TREE (the Noble-Mindedness) -pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, modest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for others, noble minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.

FIG TREE (the Sensibility) -- very strong, a bit self-willed, independent, does not allow contradiction or arguments, loves life, its family, children and animals, a bit of a social butterfly, good sense of humor, likes idleness and laziness, of practical talent and intelligence.

FIR TREE (the Mysterious) -- extraordinary taste, dignity, sophisticated, loves anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for those close to them, rather modest, very ambitious, talented, industrious, uncontented lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable.

HAZELNUT TREE (the Extraordinary) -- charming, undemanding, very understanding, knows how to make an impression, active fighter for social cause, popular, moody, and capricious lover, honest and tolerant partner, precise sense of judgment.

HORNBEAM TREE (the Good Taste) -- of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.

LIME TREE (the Doubt) -- accepts what life dishes out in a composed way, hates fighting, stress, and labor, dislikes laziness and idleness, soft and relenting, makes sacrifices for friends, many talents but not tenacious enough to make them blossom, often wailing and complaining, very jealous but loyal.

MAPLE TREE (Independence of Mind) -- no ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.

OAK TREE (the Brave) -- robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting, ndependent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the ground, person of action.

OLIVE TREE (the Wisdom) -- loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable,
balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.

PINE TREE (the Particular) -- loves agreeable company, very robust, knows how to make life comfortable, very active, natural, good companion, but seldom friendly, falls easily in love but its passion burns out quickly, gives up easily, everything disappointments them until it finds its ideal, trustworthy, practical.

POPLAR TREE (the Uncertainty) -- looks very decorative, not very self-confident, only courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.

ROWAN TREE (the Sensitivity) -- full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egoism, like to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.

WALNUT TREE (the Passion) -- unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.

WEEPING WILLOW (the Melancholy) -- beautiful but full of melancholy, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful and tasteful, loves to travel, dreamer, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with, demanding, good intuition, suffers in love but finds sometimes an anchoring partner.

[digifan]

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.
"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.
"Yes I do." she replied.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes I remember."
"Do you remember your father when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said.'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail'?"
"Yes I do", she replied.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know I would have gotten out today."

<b>My fave one</b>

A guy is hanging out in his favorite bar when he spots a fabulous babe walking in on the arm of some ugly schlep. He asks the bartender about her and is surprised to discover that she's a prostitute. He watches her the rest of the night, amazed that someone so attractive could be available to him.
The next night he goes back to the bar, and sure enough she shows up again, only this time alone. The guy gets up his nerve and approaches her. "Is it true you're a prostitute?"
"Why, sure, big boy. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I dunno. What do you charge?"
"I get $100 just for a handjob. We can negotiate from there."
"$100 For a handjob? Are you nuts?"
"You see that Ferrari out there?"
The guy looks out the front door, and sure enough there's a shiny new Ferrari parked outside.
"I paid cash for that Ferrari with the money I made on handjobs. Trust me, it's worth it."
The guy mulls it over for a while, and decides what the hell. He leaves with her, and gets the most unbelievable experience he's ever had. This handjob was better than any complete sexual experience in his miserable life.
The next night he's back at the bar, waiting eagerly for her to show up. When she does, he immediately approaches her.
"Last night was incredible"
"Of course it was. Just wait ‘til you try one of my blowjobs."
"How much is that?"
"$500"
"$500? C'mon, that's ridiculous."
"You see that apartment building across the street?"
The guy looks out front at a 12 story apartment building.
"I paid cash for that building with the money I made on blowjobs. Trust me, it's worth it."
Based on the night before, the guy decides to go for it. He leaves with her, and once again is not disappointed. He nearly blacks out twice from the pleasure he receives.
The next night he can hardly contain himself until she shows up. "I'm hooked, you're the best Tell me, what'll it cost me for some pussy?"
She motions for him to follow her outside. She points down the street, where between the buildings he can see Manhattan. "You see that island?"
"Aw, c'mon, You can't mean that."
She nods her head. "You bet. If I had a pussy, I'd own Manhattan"

CHOOSING YOUR PASSWORD
A girl was helping her boyfriend set up his PC and he wanted to log in with a password.
Now, you have to understand he's got somewhat of a rebelliousattitude and goes for the shock effect. So, when the computer asked him to enter_his password, he keys in "penis".
His girlfriend nearly fell off the chair from laughing so hard when_the computer replied...:
PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH

[digifan]

There was a guy who had been having chronic trouble in trying to get an erection. After weeks of frustration, he finally breaks down and and goes to the doctor. The doctor gives him a thorough examination and finally makes the diagnosis.
"Well, there's good news and there's bad news," she says. "The bad news is that the muscles around your penis are deteriorating, and there is no cure."
The guy, on the verge of panic, finally regains his composure. "So what's the good news?" he asks.
The doctor says: "There is an experimental treatment available, but there are no guarantees. It involves transplanting the muscles from a baby elephant's trunk into your penis. Would you like to try it?"
The guy thinks about it and finally says, "Well, the thought of going through life without being able to have sex is just too much for me. What have I got to lose? Let's do it."
So the doctor performs the operation. A few weeks later, the guy takes his girlfriend out to a nice restaurant to celebrate his new equipment. While sitting at the table, he feels a stirring between his legs; it gets progressively worse until it reaches the point of being painful. Seeking relief, he reaches down and unzips his fly to relieve some of the pressure.
Suddenly, his penis leaps free from his pants, slides over the tabletop and grabs a dinner roll, then returns to his pants again.
"Wow!" says his stunned girlfriend, "That was impressive! Can you do that again?"
Eyes watering and face flushed, he says, "Probably ... but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!"

Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.
The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job."
The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!"
To which the first replies, "Whoa, I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"
*
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her butt and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she glared at him and replied with silence.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis.
With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the pool man and your brother."
*
One day a five year old little girl excitedly approached her mother, and announced that she had learned how you get a baby. The mother was amused and said, "Oh really sweetie, why don't you tell me all about it?"
The little girl then explained, "Well, the mommy and daddy take off all of their clothes, and the daddy's wiener stands way up high, and the mommy kneels on the floor and puts the daddy's wiener in her mouth, and then the daddy's wiener sort of explodes and makes sticky juice into the mommy's mouth, and then the mommy swallows the sticky juice, and that's how you get a baby."
The mother looked lovingly at her daughter, leaned over to meet her eye to eye and said, "Oh honey, that's sweet, but that's not how you get a baby. That's how you get jewelry."
*
Three women were talking about their love lives.
The first said, "My husband is like a Rolls-Royce; smooth and sophisticated."
The second said, "Mine is like a porsche; fast and powerful."
The third said, "Mine is like an old Chevy. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while it's still going."
*
A man is sitting next to a woman on a jet which is getting ready to take off. Suddenly, the man sneezes. He unzips his pants and wipes the end of his penis off with his handkerchief. He zips up, and continues reading his magazine.
The woman cannot believe what she just saw. Then he sneezes again, unzips, pulls out his penis and wipes it off with a handkerchief.
The woman says, "Excuse me sir, but that is disgusting and rude, and if you do it again, I am going to call the flight attendant and have you removed from this plane.
He says, "I am so sorry that I have offended you. I have this very rare, embarrassing physical handicap that causes me to have an orgasm every time I sneeze."
The woman, disarmed by the man's honesty, and somewhat embarrassed by her own callousness, says, with sympathy, "Oh you poor man, what are you taking for it?"
"Pepper," he answers.

[digifan]

Woman's English
"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry
"We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
"Do what you want" = You'll pay for this later.
"Sure, go ahead" = I don't want you to.
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset you moron.
"We need to talk" = I need to complain.
"You're so manly" = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
"You're certainly attentive tonight" = Is sex all you ever think about?
"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house
"I want new curtains" = and new carpeting, new furniture, new wallpaper, etc...
"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep
"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive
"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to like
"I'll be ready in a minute" = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
"Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful
"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me
"Was that the baby?" = Why don't you get out of bed and rock him until he falls asleep
Answering the question, "What's wrong?"
"...The same old thing" = Nothing
"...Everything" = My PMS is acting up
"...Nothing, really" = It's just that you're such a jerk

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiance thinks I'm a virgin. Is there anything you can do to help me?"
The doctor says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try. On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."
The woman loves this idea and knows her hubby to be will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man. Things begin to progress, her hubby "slips it in" and she snaps the elastic band.
The hubby asks, "What the heck was that?
The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity snapping."
The husband cries out, "Well snap it again, it's got my balls!"

[digifan]

I hope some was new to you and made you laugh

[cloudsix]

*He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know I would have gotten out today."*

Bwahahaha *Pepper*

Sorry digifan, I only had the one and it already went to soggy. I will hook you up with the next one I get.

[digifan]

Originally posted by cloudsix
*He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know I would have gotten out today."*

Bwahahaha *Pepper*

Sorry digifan, I only had the one and it already went to soggy. I will hook you up with the next one I get.

Lol I hope so...

[cloudsix]

digifan - email me 8008135 at gmail.com or post your email address here - I have an invite I can send you.

I also have two more if anyone else wants one...

[digifan]

Thanks! My email is digifan (at) dreamdesigns4u dot com

[cloudsix]

Sent digifan

Anybody else? I have two more..