ATTORNEYS SUCK
Went to talk with one. Cost me $350 for the hour. I would have had more fun getting a hooker. At least I would have left satisfied.
So I had to find some lawyer jokes to cheer me up
What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What do you call a lawyer who doesn't chase ambulances?
Retired.
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How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change the bulb and five to write the environmental impact statement.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
The caterer.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?
In the cemetery.
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You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets.
What should you do? You shoot the lawyer. Twice.
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What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand.
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Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?
Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.
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What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
Skeet.
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Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers?
People were confused about which side to spit on.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
You cry when you cut up an onion.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?
Terrorists have sympathizers.
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The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
-- William Shakespeare