What to do, what to do?

[swedguy]

As some of you know I've been volunteering at the Sri Lankan embassy for ~2 weeks helping them with aid shipments. I got a really good connection with all of the people working at the embassy. When I left I told the head of the embassy that if they need help in Sri Lanka, I would love to go. Today she got back to me and said she had talked to some organizations where she knows people and they would love to take me in.
So what I would help with is rebuilding. There's so much to do and I would love every second of it.

Living there is dirt cheap ($150/mo). Plane ticket down there is quite expensive though and I'm not sure what to do with my new place I just moved in to.
I wouldn't be able to do any kind of adult work there either and I'm not sure for how long I would be away. So I would probably sell off my whole business and start over when ever I get back.

Sell off everything that has taken me many years to build up and go do something that I really care for or stay and make money and continue like nothing has happened?
I also have couple of huge projects in the pipe. It has taken me pretty many months to plan it, but the only thing they would do is to put more porn out there.

The choice is easy, but yet so hard.

[Cleo]

I thinking anything that involves selling everything and then starting over with nothing at some future date is a terrible idea.

[eman]

If you can keep things ticking over, you'll be able to afford to stay that bit longer. And you won't be left destitute when you come back.

[Porn Meister]

"continue like nothing has happened"??? Dont say that. The thought that if you dont drop your life where it is and go does *not* mean that you, or anyone, would be "continuing like nothing has happened"!
Thats being extremely harsh on yourself. You've done an enormous amount of giving and caring and embracing those who are suffering from a tragedy.. You're allowed to take the compliment, and there is no black and white on the issue.
Going doesnt automatically mean thats the best option to give help, and staying doesnt mean you're acting like nothing has happened.

All I'm saying is to weigh things carefully in bright light before you decide.

[Mishi]

Originally Posted by Cleo

I thinking anything that involves selling everything and then starting over with nothing at some future date is a terrible idea.

Been there, done that. There are worse things in life. But I can't say I'd willingly repeat the experience.

Swedguy, if I were in your position I'd think long and hard about whether I could do more good by being on site, but living on borrowed time (if that's accurate), or by staying in my relatively comfy place and contributing financially or by raising awareness.

I totally understand the appeal of an adventure, a massive life change, and an opportunity to do something really selfless. But consider the many, many things that could go wrong before you make a decision that could really fuck up your own life. You've already done more than most people would even consider.

[swedguy]

I wouldn't do this for an adventure or a life change. I know that it would be a life changing experience, for good or bad. That's to figure out when I would get back. I would do this for two reasons:
1. I'm blessed living in a place that doesn't have any major natural disasters. The least I can do is to help people living in places that aren't as blessed.
2. I was supposed to have been in the area, on the ocean when the Tsunami happened = I wouldn't have been around today. So there had to be a reason why plans changed.

You've already done more than most people would even consider.

I don't really look at it that way. I'm thinking in these terms: "What more can I do?"

It would just be too big of a pain in the ass trying to get rid of ~100 domains, hosting and endless amount of sponsors. So I'm trying to come up with a solution to keep everything and still go. Someone already offered to do my day-to-day maintenance, THANK YOU

[Useless]

I'm going to tell you what the Dalai Lama would tell you. (we're tight) All life is suffering. We should do all that we can to be aware of the suffering around us and to help alleviate the suffering of others when possible. But this doesn't mean that we should bring more suffering upon ourselves. What you are asking of yourself would be to create more suffering. As much as your heart is telling you to help those poor people, you must also see to your own survival and future well being.

om mani padme um...

Think of it like this. Flight attendants always warn you to put on your own oxygen mask before assissting others, or else you will be the one in need of assisstance.

[Cleo]

UW that is some good advice.

If you are really feeling guilt ridden or something then donate part of your income each month or adopt an orphan or something like that.

[Ramster]

Are you crazy?

Seriously. It is fine to go and help but why why why sell everything? As long as your hosting is paid you will continue to get traffic and make sales. Leave the web biz the way it is and you will come home to at least some traffic and sales.

What happens if you only go for 2 months? In 2 months your web biz will not change much at all.

[RawAlex]

Swedeguy, have you thought about this: maintain your adult business, and work to grow it so that you can donate more funds? Have you considered that keeping working where you are now, and helping the embassy where you can is in the end more productive than going to the ground and helping them there?

I know in your heart you "want to make a difference", but remember that all differences are not made by being the one who actually picks up the garbage or puts up the brick wall. Someone has to pay for the bricks and someone has to pay for the tools and so on.

Chose your spots carefully. :-)

Alex

[swedguy]

Thanks for all the answers. It means a lot

UW - Lets continue on the Buddhist path
People bring suffering upon themself every day, in one way or another. May it be desire, may it be ignorance.

If I would sell everything, I would be able to go very soon to help others.
When I would get back, I would have to start over. Which wouldn't be too bad. I know where to start, I still have my knowledge. I don't crave money, so it's not too big of a deal for me if I wouldn't make much in the beginning.

If I wouldn't sell, it would be because I desire what I have today when I get back. Desire creates suffering.

Since I'm not a practicing Buddhist, I just like the way they think, I have decided to keep all domains and sites
I have couple of things I will try to get rid off. I want some backup funds for when I get back and for other things that might come up.

[Useless]

Originally Posted by swedguy

Desire creates suffering.

D'oh! You got me there.

It sounds like you may have decided on a happy medium. Keep some, sell some.

[DangerDave]

Hmm what happened to altruism and adventure...

Go Swedguy....

Even if you sold every thing atom that you own... when you came back you would have more than most of the people you would have helped.

You would also have an "adventure" that would change your life and give you stories to tell into your old age.

..and you would have happiness/fullfilment/fun/ and work opportunites that most of "us" telling you not to go.. would never have...

DO IT!

DD

[swedguy]

Hmmm, I just got an email from the contact in Sri Lanka (before everything has gone through the embassy).

My job has gone from help rebuilding fishing villages to help developing muslim kids IT skills in a Tamil dominated area.

http://www.google.com/search?num=30&...chenai&spell=1

When I skimmed through the first 20 links in Google, it really makes me wonder.

[docholly]

Originally Posted by Ramster

Are you crazy?

Seriously. It is fine to go and help but why why why sell everything? As long as your hosting is paid you will continue to get traffic and make sales. Leave the web biz the way it is and you will come home to at least some traffic and sales.

What happens if you only go for 2 months? In 2 months your web biz will not change much at all.

I'm living proof you can disappear for ohhh say 78 days and come back to everything semi still running. |cool|

Swedguy: Life is an adventure. We all have to choose which adventures we embrace. If you feel you are challenged to make a difference, you know that bright glorious colors will await you when you return.

Embrace life rather than live through the "what if I had of" in old age.

[GeorgeTH]

If you want to come back into the same biz (porn) then I think selling everything now sounds like a completely stupid idea (sorry!). I know from my break of just 8 months (in which I kept my main site sorta going) how hard it is to break back in; people might probably still remember you, but to get into contact with them is already the first headache...

On the other hand: this is a great opportunity! And if it's what you feel like then go for it! And who knows: it could very well be so lifechanging that you come home with completely different ideas for your future life! And if you have the chance to put some 10,000 Bucks (or so) aside to start whatever you feel like upon return - even better... So if selling everything allows you a polster to re-start, then my vote is still YES!

Cutting all ties has big advantages, not least of all that it frees you up to follow whatever crosses your way! And SriLanka might actually offer several opportunities to do something completely different: become a partner in some tourism venture, or import art and craft from there, or jewelry (great silver works there, better quality than in India), who knows...

I've been there several times: I had a number of different businesses, all of which I sold simply because either I got bored with the repetative side of them, or my personal circumstances demanded a change (falling in love was a reason once or twice, and people called me crazy for that!). The last big step was moving permanently from Germany to Australia, and no regrets (except that I gave up my EU citizenship).

[GenXer]

I think that's an awesome thing that you are doing and if I didn't have kids here at home, I know I'd probably be over there right along with you. It has broken my heart to see what happened over there more than I care to admit (yeah, yeah, I know, women have bleeding hearts). It's just a damn shame. I have to say what you are doing is one of the most selfless acts someone can do but I bet it will make you feel really good inside and you are doing a lot more than most.

Another option=do you have someone you can trust with your business/sites? A family member or a very close friend? If you could leave a family member/very close friend in charge to run things for you and split the profits with you while you are gone it would be a great way to help you support yourself over there. I do not know if you have someone that you could trust, but if you do, I think it would be a good idea. That way you will not lose everything you've worked so hard for.

[digifan]

Whatever you decide to do, you've earned my respect man.

[swedguy]

After a sleepless night and lots of thinking, I've come to a decision.

Before I received the email from the contact in Sri Lanka, I was set to go. I had been down at the vaccination place, and was scheduled to start getting shots today and I would be done with them in 2 weeks.

But after I read through the email from her with what was expected from me, I got a bad feeling. The first directions I received were OK, you greet people by putting your palms together, you wear pants or sarong in public, men and women don't hold hands or hug in public and stuff like that. Nothing strange with that, it's their culture and I adapt.
But my last instructions had:

"The community that you will be working with in Valaichenai are predominantly Muslim"
"No talking or any contact with women, unless they are immediate family"
.....and things like that.

What I would be working with had changed to teaching young people English and Internet. To me, that is not prioritized work.
I would have no problem to go do emergency work like rebuild homes, roads, electricity (I'm an electrician from the beginning) and everything else that is needed. That's prioritized.
So I would drop everything, sell off some stuff to get backup capital and turn over my company to someone else just to go teach Internet to people? If I would like to do it, I might as well do it in a year. But rush down to do it? Nah.

Plus I don't share Muslim's view on women and I don't want to sound judgemental but they lack basic view on human rights. If I lived their for half a year, there had to be times when I might've looked at a woman for too long. What would happen then? Should I only talk to men for half a year? That's just couple of things that has come to mind.
I wouldn't mind it if I would help rebuilding, it would be for a good cause.

When I did some research about the area I found abductions, shootings, civilian massacres and bombings. Most of it was before the Tamil Tiger reached a ceasefire with the government (2002), but there has also been such activities as late as October 2004.

I would over look all of it if it would be for rebuilding or other emergency help. But for non-prioritized work all the negative things adds up to a no-go.

It's sad to admit it, but I will not go

[GeorgeTH]

Originally Posted by swedguy

"The community that you will be working with in Valaichenai are predominantly Muslim"
"No talking or any contact with women, unless they are immediate family"
.....and things like that.
[...]
Plus I don't share Muslim's view on women and I don't want to sound judgemental but they lack basic view on human rights.

Gosh, what picture of a muslim society do they try to paint?

From all my experience (I've been to Marocco, Egypt, Turkey, Lebanon, Syria, Iran, Afganistan, Indonesia, Malaysia - all muslim countries!) it's hardly anywhere as conservative anymore as this sounds! O.k., there are differences to our western behaviour, rules, like they try to portrait, still apply to a degree with elderly women, specially once they are married (depending on their husband), but "no talking or any contact to women" - bloody bullshit! As long as it is in public, and there's no inappropriate behaviour envolved (like intimate touching or hugging), you can talk with a woman. Just don't go with her any place out of public view (your/her room, secluded beach, etc.).
I had a nice girl/woman in Sumatra openly flirt with me, and exactly these 'rules' made me step back and be a lot more reserved than I would be otherwise. She had a good sense of humour and was well educated and informed (she had a university degree) - and exactly that's the point: simply through television and the unfortunate dominance of Hollywood productions the muslim view gets softened...
Now that I live in Australia and have a few friends with Indonesian wifes I know better: I could have been a lot more open to the situation, specially since the interest was actually mutual.

[swedguy]

I don't know what she's trying to paint. But she's from the village, so I trust her.