September 1st: Summer is over, right?

[RawAlex]

[This started out as a short post, but in the end my feelings and opinions came out… ]

Well, folks, it has been an interesting summer. As anyone who is in the online adult business knows, change is coming down the pipe really quickly in this industry now, and the realities of our end of the world is changing pretty much day by day. What worked yesterday doesn’t work today, and what worked this morning is already losing it’s glitter. Things have shifted from internet time to totally fucking out of this world warp speed. I sometimes feel like Fry on Futurama, when he takes his first trip to the moon. In his time it was a big thing, by then it’s all of about 5 seconds. That to me is how fast things are moving.

You don’t need to be all that smart to know that the ground is shifting under our feet. 10 years after this game started, the very foundations of the process are getting moved around. The relationships and connections between programs,sites, webmasters, surfers, and the search engines is changing rapidly, and the delivery methods for the end product is changing pretty much as fast as we can all imagine. Heck, Greenguy started asking for more pictures and larger images… you know the world is changing. I have been working on ideas towards how to meet the challenge of these changes for about a year now, thinking that rather than running quickly to stay ahead of the tide, that I needed to build a better boat and ride the tide forward. Almost a year ago, I started to change my business, and started to change the things I do every day. I started to spend more time on ideas, developments, and concepts, and less on the grind.

During a period of time, I also got involved in some discussions on this board that, in hind site, weren’t directly material to my personal business. In those threads, I expressed opinions about issues that face this industry, and about the actions of certain individuals, as well as a certain legal matter that was long discussed. I expressed opinions in those threads that I not only do not regret, but I feel that events have unfolded that supported my positions (zoning violations, who would have though it, right?), or have shown me not to be entirely off base.

Now, as many of you don’t know, there is an area on this board reserved for a smaller group of people (a very small group). Originally it was an area of private discussions between the board owners, moderators, and some close friends / link site operators, as a business space, a place to talk about new ideas, etc. Over time, it degraded down to a sort of friendly chat area with very little real buisness being done. The discussions in there are all over the road. Inside this area, I expressed an opinion about a board poster in a similar manner that one might do with his buddies at a bar… nothing particularly negative intended, just an opinion and a point of view. What I wasn’t clear on was that someone inside this private area was very good friends with that person, and took up their defence in a vigorous and often rude manner.

Now, you will notice that the public thread was about legal issues. The person making some pretty nasty public comments happens to have their 2257 address as, surprise surprise, a mailboxes etc PO box (a major no-no under the 1995 law, let alone the current rules). I suggested in an offhand manner that if the person didn’t back off, it would be somehow deserving to get a 2257 inspection (not nice, but an opinion), and that perhaps I should drop a dime on that person (again, not nice… but an opinion and nothing more).

Well, someone went off on me. Privately, publically, on the radio show, in the live chat rooms, and about anywhere else he could. That person, in case you haven’t figure it out, is Torn. Since that thread degraded (last summer, can you imagine time goes by that quickly?), Torn has been all over me like stink on shit, culminting (for me, anyway) on his cancelling a trip to the Greenguy Superbowl weekend because I would be there. For the next few months, I had to tolerate all sorts of abuses, personal attacks, and unkind words from Torn, and I had to take the time to defend myself from those charges, from his venom, from his hatred. So much was the venom and hatred expressed in the private discussion area that I resigned from it, and no longer participate in an area of this board that was very good for my business. It was a sad day for me, but I was left with little choice. I did remain part of the public forums, although I know I was posting less. I hoped that keeping things quiet would give him time to get over whatever it was that was so bothering him.

Then he got on the radio show and spent most of an hour ripping me a new asshole in public. Worse, rather than downplaying this or asking him to move on, his attacked were encouraged and extra people added to make sure the venom was turned up to 11. At that point, I started to realize that this wasn’t going to go away, no matter how nicely I played.

For me it came to a head on May 23rd, when I went into the live radio show to listen to Tommy co-hosting that evening. I was looking forward to an interesting show, I looked forward to learning something from a man who has blazed his own (very succcessful) path in this business, and to consider some of his ideas and concepts as things to put into some of the new projects I had been working on. I have much respect for Tommy, and I certainly was looking forward to the radio show, including using the IRC chat to perhaps ask some questions.

Sadly Torn also decided to attend that night, and when I made a comment about (I don’t even remember what, wasn’t important) I was hit with a barrage of “liar!” “fucking lying asshole” and about every other insult in the book. Totally intolerable levels of hatred spewed without regard for others. I apologized to many people, as I know it too away from their enjoyment of the radio show as well.

I expressed privately (and semi-privately) to the board owners that I was very disappointed that they allowed these personal attacks to continue. I had a hard time understanding how they could allow Member X to attack Member Y without any official sanction, comment, or request for peace. I asked many times over almost a year for just a simple “please ask Torn to keep his opinions about me personally to himself” and got nothing for it. I asked for the old “let the past stay in the past”, and get little on that. That truly disappointed me.

The day of the radio I came to realize that participation in this board under those circumstances wasn’t good for my business anymore. It wasn’t profitable, it wasn’t creating a good reputation for me, and having to spend all of my time downplaying or debating personal attacks was just no longer something I was going to tolerate. I had already stepped away from the private area, and again I was left with little choice. May 23rd, I stepped away from the board completely. Since that time, I have had exactly 9 posts, most of them either mentioning my recent server move or trying to contact someone about a blog had as part of Pornpig. Otherwise, I have been a non-participant.

Now it is September 1st. I have moved to a new host (Hi Sparky!), I have shed some older and non-productive domains, developed some alternate income streams, and laid the groundwork for a whole new era for me in this business, riding the tide to a better place. Just as importantly, I once again found my muse, and that is a good thing.

My decision about this place is different though. While I miss many of the people here, and I think everyone knows I love a good discussion (and a forceful debate), I am choosing not to be a part of many of those things. I am also choosing not to be part of the radio show (or discussions) except under very certain circumstances. You will not catch me in a chatroom at the same time as Torn, nor will I post in a thread that he is participating in. Quite simply, I have great respect for almost everyone that posts here, and I will not subject you to another round of Torn’s personal vendetta and venomous tirades in the future (sadly, I have a feeling that this post will bring one of those on, but I am hoping that the moderators and owners of this board are wise enough to nip it in the bud… hint hint!). I don’t want to degrade this place, I don’t want good and valid and interesting thread to be turned into piss and vinegar, and I don’t want to take away from anyone else’s enjoyment of this valuable resource.

I am sorry, but this post has gone on a little longer than expected. You will find me mostly in the blogs and blogging section and sometimes in the links area, but other than that, I am going to work with what is working and stick with my choices.