If anyone needs me...

[Useless]

Originally Posted by Greenguy

If you want to leave it the way it is, that's fine with me - as long as your anger towards him does not come out on the board - I can't have that & I think you know this.

You're completely right. I never meant for my hostility to show and it even amazes me how much of an asshole I can be when I don't keep myself in check. I am sorry for that. I'm in state now where I'm embarassing myself more than what he had done. And I do a fine job of it. I'm sorry for bringing this to the board, GG. Part of me really needed to sound my barbaric yawp from the rooftops (Dead Poets Society), to get it all out, which is pretty damned hard while trying to be discreet. I'm sorry for making such a mockery of all this on your board. Please accept my sincere apology.

Alex, thank you. Your PM has helped me pull this back into perspective. I keep inflating the issue out of anger and stress and it has become something much larger than what it was. I've been told more than a few times in my life that I can be somewhat irrational. I've had a few excellent advisors during the last week or so and they all told me to pull back, relax, and to think this all through. It seems that I've ignored them all, even while concisously admitting that they were right. I'm a little fucked up that way. OK, a lot fucked up.

So here I am, humbled. Someone did something to punish me, I guess, and it pissed me right off. Could you tell? And honestly, it angered the holy fuck out of me that GG didn't instantly reverse what that guy did to me. I understand why he didn't. Business is business and I'm just a new nut case on the block, getting nuttier by the day. Frankly, I wouldn't want it back now anyway. Still angry about it, but I don't want it back. Damn, I'm a misconfigured unit.

I'm calm now, but I still don't see the point in talking to him. I've nothing to say to him. I'd like to see him punished. That would be nice. Maybe he should have to do jumping-jacks naked in the snow or play Jenga after drinking 7 or 8 black coffees. I don't know. He wins. He warned me. I can't deny that. He told me he'd fuck me and he did. Oh well. At least people like me for who am. I still have that. Bet he can't say that. |clown|

Let me give a shout out to all you loving bastard that supported me and showered me with "cocksucker" along the way. I felt the love. I really did. I'll try to stick around and not let you filthy fucks down. Deal? Deal.