Things to do at Wal-mart while your spouse/partner is shopping

[ngb1959]

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 2-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
(And; last, but not least!)
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and, then, yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

[Porn Meister]

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!"

[Chop Smith]

Would I enjoy being a fly on the wall when these were carried out?

[Linkster]

Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store

Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in

Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10"

Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment

Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually

Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men

While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room

Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store

Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out

Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."

Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department

Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles

When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles

Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

[Kezza]

damn!

Great suggestions Linkster! Tried most of them!!... but still a few good ones there that I will be giving a blow!!!!

[Tommy]

When I cant find my wife in wallmart ot target

I scream as load as I can..... BARBARA over and over again
(I scream really loud)

she nver anwsers and just pretends she doesnt know me


when I finally find her she always complains about how embrassing it is

[SirMoby]

Originally posted by Tommy
When I cant find my wife in wallmart ot target

I scream as load as I can..... BARBARA over and over again (I scream really loud)

Do you use a scared sounding voice like the a child that's lost in the woods? Some of these suggestions are great and since Nataliya can spend hours in Walmart they'll help me survive my next trip

[neticule]

great stuff LOL!
will have to try some of those for sure

[Porn Meister]

"PICK ME!" still lol..

[Linkster]

My favorites have always been things to do on an ELEVATOR

1. Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly.
2. Crack open your briefcase and while peering inside ask, “Got enough air in there?
3. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.
4. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, “Shut up, darn it, all of you just shut UP!”
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask that they call you Admiral.
8. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for awhile, and then announce “I’ve got new socks on!”
9. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
10. Walk on with a cooler that says, “Human Head” on the side.
11. Stare at another passenger for awhile, and then announce, “You’re one of THEM, aren’t you?”
12. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to other passengers.
13. When the elevator is silent, look around and say, “Is that your beeper?”
14. Say “DING!” at each floor.
15. Say, “I wonder what these do...” and push all the red buttons.
16. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
17. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is “your personal space.”
18. Announce in a demonic voice, “I must find a more suitable host today...”
19. Make explosion noises whenever anyone presses a button.
20. Make race car noises when people get on and off.
21. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
22. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
23. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
24. Shave.
25. Lean over to another passenger and whisper, “Ever had a Wet Willy?”
26. One word: Flatulence!
27. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go “plink” at the bottom.
28. Do Tai Chi exercises.
29. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, “Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!”
30. Give religions tracts to each passenger.
31. Meow occasionally.
32. Frown and mutter, “Gotta go, gotta go,” then sigh and say, “oops!”
33. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
34. Sing “Mary Had a Little Lamb” while continuously pushing buttons.
35. Holler “Chutes away!” whenever the elevator descends.
36. Burp, then say, “Mmm, tasty!”
37. Leave a box between the doors.
38. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them, but push the wrong ones.
39. Start a sing-along.
40. Play the accordion.
41. Shadow box.
42. Lean against the button panel.
43. Bring a chair along.
44. Take a bite of sandwich and ask another passenger, “Wann see wha in muh mouf?”
45. Blow spit bubbles.
46. Pull gum out of your mouth in long strings.
47. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
48. Wear “X-Ray Specs” and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say, “I think it’s getting bigger.”
50. If anyone brushed against you, recoil fiercely and scream, “BAD TOUCH!”
51. Walk on with a cooler that says “Human Head” on the side.
52. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
53. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
54. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
55. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone, and ask if they know what floor you're on.
56. Hold the doors open, and say that you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi George, how's your day been?"
57. Drop a pen, and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, and then scream, "That's mine!"
58. Bring a camera, and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
59. Move your desk into the elevator, and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
60. Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
61. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they hear something ticking.
62. Pretend you are a flight attendant & review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
63. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they'll open up again."
64. Swat at flies that don't exist.
65. Tell people, "I know what you're thinking."
66. Call out "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.
67. Go up to someone and say, "I love you! I know we have our differences but we were meant for each other! Please say you'll go out with me!"
68. Talk like a sports broadcaster.

[Wenchy]

50. If anyone brushed against you, recoil fiercely and scream, “BAD TOUCH!”


HAHAHAHA Oh man, I'm dyin over here. Classic!

[CelticTiger]

Originally posted by Linkster
My favorites have always been things to do on an ELEVATOR

1. Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly.
2. Crack open your briefcase and while peering inside ask, “Got enough air in there?
3. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.
4. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, “Shut up, darn it, all of you just shut UP!”
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask that they call you Admiral.
8. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for awhile, and then announce “I’ve got new socks on!”
9. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
10. Walk on with a cooler that says, “Human Head” on the side.
11. Stare at another passenger for awhile, and then announce, “You’re one of THEM, aren’t you?”
12. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to other passengers.
13. When the elevator is silent, look around and say, “Is that your beeper?”
14. Say “DING!” at each floor.
15. Say, “I wonder what these do...” and push all the red buttons.
16. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
17. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is “your personal space.”
18. Announce in a demonic voice, “I must find a more suitable host today...”
19. Make explosion noises whenever anyone presses a button.
20. Make race car noises when people get on and off.
21. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
22. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
23. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
24. Shave.
25. Lean over to another passenger and whisper, “Ever had a Wet Willy?”
26. One word: Flatulence!
27. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go “plink” at the bottom.
28. Do Tai Chi exercises.
29. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, “Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!”
30. Give religions tracts to each passenger.
31. Meow occasionally.
32. Frown and mutter, “Gotta go, gotta go,” then sigh and say, “oops!”
33. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
34. Sing “Mary Had a Little Lamb” while continuously pushing buttons.
35. Holler “Chutes away!” whenever the elevator descends.
36. Burp, then say, “Mmm, tasty!”
37. Leave a box between the doors.
38. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them, but push the wrong ones.
39. Start a sing-along.
40. Play the accordion.
41. Shadow box.
42. Lean against the button panel.
43. Bring a chair along.
44. Take a bite of sandwich and ask another passenger, “Wann see wha in muh mouf?”
45. Blow spit bubbles.
46. Pull gum out of your mouth in long strings.
47. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
48. Wear “X-Ray Specs” and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say, “I think it’s getting bigger.”
50. If anyone brushed against you, recoil fiercely and scream, “BAD TOUCH!”
51. Walk on with a cooler that says “Human Head” on the side.
52. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
53. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
54. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
55. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone, and ask if they know what floor you're on.
56. Hold the doors open, and say that you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi George, how's your day been?"
57. Drop a pen, and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, and then scream, "That's mine!"
58. Bring a camera, and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
59. Move your desk into the elevator, and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
60. Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
61. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they hear something ticking.
62. Pretend you are a flight attendant & review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
63. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they'll open up again."
64. Swat at flies that don't exist.
65. Tell people, "I know what you're thinking."
66. Call out "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.
67. Go up to someone and say, "I love you! I know we have our differences but we were meant for each other! Please say you'll go out with me!"
68. Talk like a sports broadcaster.

They're all good ~ funny stuff. Heard it before but it's always a good read

[docholly]

OMG i read those off to my son.. now he wants us to go to Stratosphere and practice.

[ngb1959]

LMAO AT THESE:


2. Crack open your briefcase and while peering inside ask, “Got enough air in there?


7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask that they call you Admiral.

8. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for awhile, and then announce “I’ve got new socks on!”

10. Walk on with a cooler that says, “Human Head” on the side.

11. Stare at another passenger for awhile, and then announce, “You’re one of THEM, aren’t you?”

12. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to other passengers.

14. Say “DING!” at each floor.

17. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is “your personal space.”


28. Do Tai Chi exercises.

31. Meow occasionally.

38. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them, but push the wrong ones.

42. Lean against the button panel.

43. Bring a chair along.

56. Hold the doors open, and say that you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi George, how's your day been?"

57. Drop a pen, and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, and then scream, "That's mine!"

58. Bring a camera, and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

59. Move your desk into the elevator, and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

62. Pretend you are a flight attendant & review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

[EclectiXXX]

22. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

[RivalDiamondz]

Lmao all around, good stuff!