The Secret Google Algorithm: Explained

xxxjay · 2004-04-07, 04:54 PM

What many of you may not know is the most important seminars at conventions are held behind closed doors. This years Phoenix Forums were no exception. On Saturday around five in the morning the secret, the Google algorithm was explained to a select small group of webmasters. The notes have been uncovered and are posted here on GFY.

FIGURE A: Represents the highly guarded Google search technology in action.

FIGURE B: Represents my nuts doing the windmill. The workings of FIGURE A are determined by which way my nuts are doing the windmill at the time. Many in the SEO community believe that when my nuts are windmilling to the right; highly optimized search pages tend to get better ranking.

FIGURE C: Represents the SERPs (Search Engine Result Pages) – you will notice in FIGURE B that my nuts are actually windmilling to the right and highly sought after search terms have been pushed to the top.

FIGURE D: Represents Wired Guy, Kush, and the rest of the SEO community speculating on the direction of my nuts doing the windmill and optimizing their pages accordingly.

There you have it – the secret Google algo explained. Who says you can never find the good shit on the boards?

Cleo · 2004-04-07, 05:00 PM

Jay the best I can tell you are just nuts.

T Pat · 2004-04-07, 05:17 PM

Jay in my quest to understand how the hell search engines work I have come to look forward to the pearls of wisdom you, Danger Dave, Surfin, Linkster and Urb have to offer.
I want to thank You for making it all crystal clear and giving me the best laugh I’ve had today.

|rasta|

Bill · 2004-04-07, 05:20 PM

Fuckin' hilarious man.

Sounds about right, too.

Now all we have to do is put your nuts in a vise and it's #1 positions for everybody... ha ha ha.

Greenguy · 2004-04-07, 05:32 PM

FANTASTIC!

Jim · 2004-04-07, 06:03 PM

MARVELOUS!

Linkster · 2004-04-07, 06:33 PM

Jay

Ya know I already posted this on that other board in response - but just in case you don't see it - if ya give away our secret about Yahoo Im gonna have to tear those balls off and you wont be able to SEO for either LOL

xxxjay · 2004-04-07, 07:43 PM

Cool – I’m glad everyone thought it was funny – I was kind of apprehensive about posting it here because it wasn’t serious, so did it first on GFY (because the average serious post is as stupid at this), but this is my board and you are my people – I figure you deserve a laugh too.

grzepa · 2004-04-08, 06:04 AM

AHAHAHAHAHA

EXCELLENT :-)

xxxjay · 2004-04-08, 05:04 PM

Fresh new notes have been uncovered from Jay’s secret notebook revealing the complex inner workings of Google. Here, we have illustrated what a well rounded search engine strategy can do for today’s progressive webmaster.

FIGURE A: Represents my nuts.

FIGURE B: Represents Britney Spears.

FIGURE C: Represents me ergonomically placing my balls on Britney’s forehead.

Yes, here you can see the proof of huge payoff from a well rounded SE strategy.

Bill · 2004-04-09, 04:45 PM

Sorry man, I think there is a Britney shaped hole in your second theory.

I think maybe you'd had one too many double shots of Patron by this point...

Kinky · 2004-05-07, 10:28 AM

*BUMP* this secret should be seen by every webmaster alive!!!

tat2jr · 2004-05-07, 07:16 PM

xxxjay - I never thought I'd say this to anyone, but I'm going to have to spend a lot more time looking at your nuts!

xxxjay · 2004-05-09, 04:28 PM

haha - cool

this is the most important SE thread of all time

a must read

JanTM · 2004-05-29, 08:10 PM

Aw crap. Now I have to redesign all my pages according to Jays windmill-nuts-strategy

xxxjay · 2004-06-21, 08:47 PM

Hey Jim - maybe you can use this for your tips page...hahaha

Just kidding - lol

vmp22 · 2004-06-21, 10:33 PM

if you look closely enough at Jay's notes, i think he solved Fermat's Last Theorem too....

2004-04-07, 05:00 PM	#2
Cleo Subversive filth of the hedonistic decadent West Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Southeast Florida Posts: 27,936	Jay the best I can tell you are just nuts. __________________ Free Rides on Uber and Lyft Uber Car: uberTzTerri Lyft Car: TZ896289

2004-04-07, 05:17 PM	#3
T Pat You can now put whatever you want in this space :) Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Paridise Posts: 3,244	Jay in my quest to understand how the hell search engines work I have come to look forward to the pearls of wisdom you, Danger Dave, Surfin, Linkster and Urb have to offer. I want to thank You for making it all crystal clear and giving me the best laugh I’ve had today. \|rasta\| __________________ How To Keep An Asshole In Suspense I'll Tell You Later

2004-04-07, 05:32 PM	#5
Greenguy The Original Greenguy (Est'd 1996) & AVN HOF Member - I Crop Pics For Thumbs In My Sleep Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Blasdell, NY (shithole suburb south of Buffalo) Posts: 41,929	FANTASTIC! __________________ Promote POV Porn Cash By Building & Submitting Galleries to the Porn Luv Network

2004-04-07, 06:33 PM	#7
Linkster NO! Im not a female - but being a dragon, I do eat them. Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Sex Delta Posts: 5,084	Jay Ya know I already posted this on that other board in response - but just in case you don't see it - if ya give away our secret about Yahoo Im gonna have to tear those balls off and you wont be able to SEO for either LOL __________________ Pussy Chompers Porn Links NSCash

2004-04-07, 07:43 PM	#8
xxxjay You can now put whatever you want in this space :) Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: atlanta Posts: 1,787	Cool – I’m glad everyone thought it was funny – I was kind of apprehensive about posting it here because it wasn’t serious, so did it first on GFY (because the average serious post is as stupid at this), but this is my board and you are my people – I figure you deserve a laugh too. __________________ Circle Of Violence

2004-04-07, 04:54 PM	#1
xxxjay You can now put whatever you want in this space :) Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: atlanta Posts: 1,787	The Secret Google Algorithm: Explained What many of you may not know is the most important seminars at conventions are held behind closed doors. This years Phoenix Forums were no exception. On Saturday around five in the morning the secret, the Google algorithm was explained to a select small group of webmasters. The notes have been uncovered and are posted here on GFY. FIGURE A: Represents the highly guarded Google search technology in action. FIGURE B: Represents my nuts doing the windmill. The workings of FIGURE A are determined by which way my nuts are doing the windmill at the time. Many in the SEO community believe that when my nuts are windmilling to the right; highly optimized search pages tend to get better ranking. FIGURE C: Represents the SERPs (Search Engine Result Pages) – you will notice in FIGURE B that my nuts are actually windmilling to the right and highly sought after search terms have been pushed to the top. FIGURE D: Represents Wired Guy, Kush, and the rest of the SEO community speculating on the direction of my nuts doing the windmill and optimizing their pages accordingly. There you have it – the secret Google algo explained. Who says you can never find the good shit on the boards? __________________ Circle Of Violence

2004-04-07, 05:20 PM	#4
Bill Selling porn allows me to stay in a constant state of Bliss - ain't that a trip! Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 3,914	Fuckin' hilarious man. Sounds about right, too. Now all we have to do is put your nuts in a vise and it's #1 positions for everybody... ha ha ha.

2004-04-07, 06:03 PM	#6
Jim Banned Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Mohawk, New York Posts: 19,477	MARVELOUS!

2004-04-08, 06:04 AM	#9
grzepa You can now put whatever you want in this space :) Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 980	AHAHAHAHAHA EXCELLENT :-) __________________ RATIOS SUCK ? - TRY REALITYCASH !

2004-04-08, 05:04 PM	#10
xxxjay You can now put whatever you want in this space :) Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: atlanta Posts: 1,787	Fresh new notes have been uncovered from Jay’s secret notebook revealing the complex inner workings of Google. Here, we have illustrated what a well rounded search engine strategy can do for today’s progressive webmaster. FIGURE A: Represents my nuts. FIGURE B: Represents Britney Spears. FIGURE C: Represents me ergonomically placing my balls on Britney’s forehead. Yes, here you can see the proof of huge payoff from a well rounded SE strategy. __________________ Circle Of Violence

2004-04-09, 04:45 PM	#11
Bill Selling porn allows me to stay in a constant state of Bliss - ain't that a trip! Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 3,914	Sorry man, I think there is a Britney shaped hole in your second theory. I think maybe you'd had one too many double shots of Patron by this point...

2004-05-07, 10:28 AM	#12
Kinky HEY NOW! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: in the Matrix Glitching on an Endless Loop. Loop. Loop. Loop. Loo Posts: 1,218	BUMP this secret should be seen by every webmaster alive!!! __________________ don't mind me im nothing but nonsense <3

2004-05-07, 07:16 PM	#13
tat2jr Heh Heh Heh! Lisa! Vampires are make believe, just like elves and gremlins and eskimos! Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 73	xxxjay - I never thought I'd say this to anyone, but I'm going to have to spend a lot more time looking at your nuts! __________________ Please Re-Read The Rules For Sig Files

2004-05-09, 04:28 PM	#14
xxxjay You can now put whatever you want in this space :) Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: atlanta Posts: 1,787	haha - cool this is the most important SE thread of all time a must read __________________ Circle Of Violence

2004-05-29, 08:10 PM	#15
JanTM Hello, is this President Clinton? Good! I figured if anyone knew where to get some tang it would be you Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Denmark Posts: 446	Aw crap. Now I have to redesign all my pages according to Jays windmill-nuts-strategy __________________ Tittius Maximus - Retired

2004-06-21, 08:47 PM	#16
xxxjay You can now put whatever you want in this space :) Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: atlanta Posts: 1,787	Hey Jim - maybe you can use this for your tips page...hahaha Just kidding - lol __________________ Circle Of Violence

2004-06-21, 10:33 PM	#17
vmp22 Heh Heh Heh! Lisa! Vampires are make believe, just like elves and gremlins and eskimos! Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 72	if you look closely enough at Jay's notes, i think he solved Fermat's Last Theorem too.... __________________ Save Your Porn, Your Way - Wild Wet Girls Gallery Submissions - Wild Wet Girls