How to deal with this?

susanna · 2006-09-08, 11:46 PM

She has seen something that is traumatic. Your reaction is actually very important! You must recognize her fears and NEVER say "oh buck up thats just life and death" or "we all die some day" or what ever. Always tell her that you understand her fears. You understand how terrible it must have been to see etc. The next thing you do though is show her that you have to keep going. User similar experiences to talk to her about. Tell her something that would be similar but you get to add how you dealt with it. Maybe you had a similar experience sometime or a friend who did or what ever and you go the next step with the conversation to say that "it was hard to stop thinking about it but I did get back on the bike, car, bus whatever" and it was ok after a while. Tell her that its a good thing that she remembers what happened because it will help to remind her to be safe etc. Keep acknowledging her fears but be realistic about the next step.

This is the kind of thing that, if ignored, can turn into post traumatic stress and a number of other things like her really focusing on never riding a bike or even driving a car. You need to acknowledge and move on...acknowledge and talk about how you move on in difficult times. It can be anything like being fired from a job or accused of stealing in school etc etc. How do you move on when big things happen? you concentrate on positive etc.

I also agree that getting on the bike (on her terms) for something fun would be a good idea. Ask her how and where that should be.

Saturnin · 2006-09-09, 04:28 AM

My bike is my car (Amsterdam and all that), and I've had a few near misses. My suggestion is see if there are safe alternative routes that she can take for a while. (I do this from time to time as some people who ride bikes in this town are just asking for problems.) This gives the option of still riding your bike, but not having to pass the dangerous or scary spots for a while....

sue-fl · 2006-09-09, 09:53 AM

Well Stu you've gotten some great advice. You know we all want to protect our kids from trama, sorry your daughter had to see that. I think the advice Sir Molby got for you is perfect. The fact that she has a good mom to help her get threw it will help her to heal and get back on her bike. Best of luck to both of you

2006-09-08, 11:46 PM	#1
susanna Shut up brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip! Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Canada Posts: 114	She has seen something that is traumatic. Your reaction is actually very important! You must recognize her fears and NEVER say "oh buck up thats just life and death" or "we all die some day" or what ever. Always tell her that you understand her fears. You understand how terrible it must have been to see etc. The next thing you do though is show her that you have to keep going. User similar experiences to talk to her about. Tell her something that would be similar but you get to add how you dealt with it. Maybe you had a similar experience sometime or a friend who did or what ever and you go the next step with the conversation to say that "it was hard to stop thinking about it but I did get back on the bike, car, bus whatever" and it was ok after a while. Tell her that its a good thing that she remembers what happened because it will help to remind her to be safe etc. Keep acknowledging her fears but be realistic about the next step. This is the kind of thing that, if ignored, can turn into post traumatic stress and a number of other things like her really focusing on never riding a bike or even driving a car. You need to acknowledge and move on...acknowledge and talk about how you move on in difficult times. It can be anything like being fired from a job or accused of stealing in school etc etc. How do you move on when big things happen? you concentrate on positive etc. I also agree that getting on the bike (on her terms) for something fun would be a good idea. Ask her how and where that should be. __________________ Susanna

2006-09-09, 04:28 AM	#2
Saturnin A woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Edge of the Universe Posts: 53	My bike is my car (Amsterdam and all that), and I've had a few near misses. My suggestion is see if there are safe alternative routes that she can take for a while. (I do this from time to time as some people who ride bikes in this town are just asking for problems.) This gives the option of still riding your bike, but not having to pass the dangerous or scary spots for a while....

2006-09-09, 09:53 AM	#3
sue-fl You can now put whatever you want in this space :) Join Date: May 2005 Location: Florida Posts: 2,837	Well Stu you've gotten some great advice. You know we all want to protect our kids from trama, sorry your daughter had to see that. I think the advice Sir Molby got for you is perfect. The fact that she has a good mom to help her get threw it will help her to heal and get back on her bike. Best of luck to both of you